The trouble with summer is that floating with friends is not conducive to gardening and it seems that I can't keep up with my garden or with my Sven.
Remember our first born?
It's hard to imagine how quickly the time has passed. Why just the other day Not Betty was a teeny, tiny, little yellow flower and then I turned around and she was all growed up and ready for dinner. Actually, she wasn't quite all growed up and ready for dinner. She could have hung on that vine another day or two, but Sven went and picked her. He says he didn't pick her. He says all he did was touch her and she just fell into his hands. Not only is that disgusting, he's lying because I'd just checked her out and I'd just said, "Another day or two and she'll be ready." Then I walked in the door to get something, came back out to the porch and there he stood holding her.
"Are you kidding me? First you boiled the beets....(yes, I confess, there were two unfortunate murdered beets) so that I couldn't even take a picture to show my followers what happens when you try to reattach roots that have accidentally, prematurely, been ripped out of the ground and now you pick Not Betty before she's ready! How am I supposed to write about this stuff when you are always messing things up?"
Murdered Boiled Beets
Sven didn't care. He placed Not Betty on his head and said,
"Take a picture of this."
Then he took her into the kitchen and sliced her up.
WARNING: A blog fan has run into a situation that you should be aware of so that you can take precautions, if necessary.
You see, after following Millie and Sven's gardening tips it appears that her retirement is not what she'd bargained for. Her husband went out and bought a bunch of lumber and set up two large rectangles in their back yard. Then he had black dirt hauled in and filled them. After that he proceeded to plant sixteen tomato plants and other various vegetables, of course only after reading Millie and Sven's recommendations.
So, yes, I'm afraid it's true. The wife is about to become a snobby vegetable bitch.
And being retired she can't haul the surplus veggies from that garden into work and set up a FREE sign in the break room.
There is no break room.
Instead they will have to dip into their IRA (and you know they'll be penalized because there are always penalties) so that they can buy more lumber so that he can build one of those vegetable stands to set out by the road, in front of their house.
Gone is the trip to Vegas and that Alaskan cruise they'd planned. Gone is lounging on the deck with a wonderful novel. While he will be busy constructing this cart, she will be tending to the rapidly multiplying vegetables, all on her own. I'm afraid that the fanciest perfume she will be wearing this summer is going to be, Deep Woods Off.
DISCLAIMER
Any advice found on this website is not necessarily the opinion of the author, nor does she believe that anything you say or do can be held against her, by the power of an attorney invested in me, so help you God. All in favor say, "Aye.
Okay, with the legal shit out of the way, I would like to take a moment or two to answer a few of the questions that have been pouring in over the summer.
Question: Millie, what can I do about the fungus on my Phlox?
Answer: Candy, I would suggest making an appointment with your gynecologist, soon.
Question: Millie, when should I pull my beets?
Answer: When they are ripe, Pee Wee.
Question: Millie, what is the difference between a green pepper and a red pepper?
Answer: Idiot
, one is green and one is red. And peppers, just like people should be treated equally no matter what color they are.
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[one_half_last]And now for an Important News Bulletin.
According to my mother, Kohlrabi is some sort of a cabbage like creature that grows under the ground.
That's right folks, you don't add those pretty purple leaves to your salads and eat them.[/one_half_last]
