It is now noon and all of the I, me, Millie Noe moments are over, as the Titanic Trio naptime has come to an end and my sweet Sven has returned from town.
Afternoons fly by in the black hole outside of Harmony Grove.
I look in the mirror.
Not good.
I look at the house.
A mess.
I look at the grocery list.
It's long.
I pull out the braunschwieger and make myself a sandwich.
Bark Man is by my side to assist and to remind me of his noon pill which he prefers disguised in a hot dog pocket.
Meanwhile downstairs in the Cat Cave, Cat Lady is readying herself for the afternoon.
Tuxedo Boy, AKA, Cat Lady enemy number one, the guy who wants her dead, saunters into the kitchen with glassy eyes.
He stops at the kitchen door, turns around and stares at us.
This upsets Bark Man.
He lets out a couple of his super barks and I about shit my pants.
"For the love of God!"
A handful of cat treats for each calms the situation down.
I finish eating my sandwich, throwing the last bite to the wonder dog which he catches on a fly.
"Wow! You are amazing," I tell him.
Tuxedo Boy speaks up with the world's tiniest meow, which means he is now ready to go outside to kill something.
I open the door and wait while he sharpens his claws.
Bark Man complains.
"Don't worry about it," I say. "That trim is trashed."
Out goes super hero number one, ready to do whatever punky juvenile caped crusaders do.
Bark Man remains inside. He likes to watch the show of pillows being tossed, dishes rinsed, plants getting watered, the top of the coffee table emerging, our bed being tossed back together and, uh-oh, here comes the vacuum.
Bark Man looks nervous.
I don't care how old that guy gets and he is pushing ninety, he still thinks that I am going to suck him into the hose.
Should I be offended?
"Just go over there and lay down," I tell him, pointing to the living room.
He lays down right where he is.
I go over to the living room and plug in my Shark.
Bark Man feigns sleep.
But the rumble is too much.
It is too loud.
Oh shit.
It is coming his way.
Bark Man wants out.
"Okay," I say. "But you keep your ass out of the pond."
After emptying the daily canister of dusty hair into the trash, it is time to do something with my own.
I am too vain to go to the store looking like I just got out of bed and in all fairness looks can be deceiving because at this point I have been up for a long time.
"What to wear?"
Surely there is something on the floor that will work.
"I'll be back in a little while," I holler to Sven.
"Okay," I hear float from the loft.
Off to the Pig I go.
Meanwhile Cat Lady is all gussied up downstairs, sitting on her perch that looks out into a world that she is not not allowed to enter, as it is much too dangerous for a hearing impaired caped crusader of her vintage.
I return with most of the groceries on my list to see Bark Man basking in the sun on the front porch.
"Hi Barky Man," I call out my window before pulling into the garage.
That sweet masked dog of mine is covered in mud.
"You are staying outside until I have time to do something about you," I say stomping past him.
"And where in the heck is Tuxedo Boy?"
For more stories in this crime fighting series, click above on Titanic Trio.