BS Club Minutes September 11, 2013

BS en Francais

Date: Septembre 11, 2013 Les Temps:   84 degrees Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez: Ma Mere, Ma Soeur,  Mon Amie Giselle, Mon Amie Claudette, Mon Amie Clementine, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi Hors d'oeuvres: Ma Mere went wild de la hog avec beaucoup de les dips, les chips et les legumes. Officiale BS Business: I brought ma carpet de la sweeper vacuum por ma mere to use while Sven fixes her carpet de la sweeper vacuum.  We have le exactemente same carpet de la sweeper vacuums except mine es not broken et ma mere's es. BS Topics et Conversations: Moi:  Look at mes bierres. Ma Soeur:  What le heck happened to them? Moi:  Je ne sais pas.  Le monsieur at le store de les liquors just told moi to be careful carrying them parce que le package was all taped up. Ma Mere: Be careful when vous open those. Ma Soeur:  Ma mere, I like votre hair. Ma Mere:  Merci.  Je ne sais pas if I will go back to la same place le next time. Ma stylist has developed les allergies to les products de les beauties.  Yesterday she cut ma hair tres short mais then she couldn't style it.  She could not use les products de les beauties.  So I left la salon looking like une skinny fil avec un cut de le crew. Giselle:  Mon fil was born avec une cut de le crew. BS Club:  Ha ha ha ha.  He still has une. Claudette:  Mon fil was born avec le hair de une duck. BS Club:  What? Claudette:  It shed water. BS Club: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Et then Giselle opened une can de la bierre at le exactemente same momente that ma soeur sneezed et I jumped ento le air. Then Claudette went ento une long explanation about how les Hindu peoples fixed her computere over la telephone et charged 169$ onto her card de la charge et then her fils yelled at her por talking to les Hindu peoples again.  They said she should stop talking on le telephone et just take le computer ento la shoppe por le fixing. Et then Claudette said that she took le fixer de la virus from les Hindu peoples on le telephone off her computer anyway parce que she didn't trust them. Then le conversation somehow switched over to les tres populare topic de les hairs on les faces, les bumps on le skin et then to ma shirt avec une rating de la SPF. Moi:  Le shirt protects moi from le soleil. Sven gave it to moi. Giselle:  Any shirt protects vous from le soleil. Moi:  Oui, mais this une es tres speciale.  It has une rating de le SPF de 50. Giselle:  Por le love de mon Dieu! That es kill de la over! Then ma mere told le story about moi when I was just trois years old.  "We went to le mason de mes parents to visit et Millie would not stop bothering all de les adultes.  She wanted sips de les cocktails.  I said to mon pere, 'Oh, just give her une sip et maybe she will go away.'  So mon pere gave Millie une sip du his Manhattan that was dry et do vous know what? Claudette:  She didn't go away. Ma Mere:  She liked it. She never even made une face. Claudette:  Vous should have known that vous were en trouble then. Ma Soeur:  I remembre asking for sips de les bierres when mes parents had les companies.  Mon pere would say to moi, "Vous can have une sip Louisa, mais then vous must go away."  So I would have une sip et I then I would go away. Ma Mere:  I remembre une story that mes parents used to tell about moi. I was tres jeune.  There were workers at our mason.  They were fixing something en le basemente.  I sat on les steps all de la jour watching them.  Apres they left mes parentes said, "Oh, mon Dieu! Genvieve es drunk!"  I guess les workers were giving moi sips out du their bierres le whole time. Claudette:  I remembre mes parents had une grande soiree une soir.  Ma soeur was cinq years old et nobody could find her.  Et then, there she was curled up under le tableau avec une bottle de le Brandy. Giselle:  I remember une holiday une long time ago.  Mon fil was deux years old.  Everyone gave him les fruites out de les drinks.  On le way home he was running back et forth et back et forth en le automobile.  Et then he laid down et went to sleep. Ma Soeur:  Millie es that bottle de le Bierre de le Huber still en le refrigerator? Moi:  Je ne sais pas. Giselle:  That Bierre used to be so cheap. I remembre years et years ago mon husband returnez les bottles de les Bierres de le Huber to le store de les liquors.  When he arrivez back at la mason he had trois new cases de les Bierres de le Huber et they paid him monies besides. Et then ma soeur opened une bottle de le bierre de le Huber et passed it around por le tasting.  "Ici," she said.  "Try this bierre.  Do vous like it now?" We all took une sip et le officiale vote was, "Mais Non!" Then Giselle poured le rest de le Bierre de le Huber down la drain. Moi:  What are vous doing?  There es starving alcoholics all over la world! Then I received une text from mon amie Clementine.  She just moved ento le hood de le neighbor de ma mere.  Her text said, "I would like to come to le Club de BS.  I will leave mon apartemente now et vous leave le condo now et we will meet en le middle so that vous can show moi le way." So off I went to meet Clementine.  It was une pleasante walk down le grand hill.  Then I took une left at le bottom.  Et then I took another left et then I took une right et there was le apartemente du Clementine.  I thought to ma self.  Well Clementine, vous did not leave right away like vous said vous would.  Je suis at votre door et vous are not even outside yet.  I rang la belle de le door.  Mais, nobody came.  I peeked en le window.  Oh, c'est cute en there.  I waited en le shine de la soleil por a few momentes.  Again I rang la belle de le door.  Mais still, nobody came.  Where could she be?  Une terrible thought crossed through ma mind.  She must be en le room de la reste avec une tragique emergency.  Or perhaps she es sitting on le patio on le other side del le building looking at le lake.  I walked around le building de l'apartemente.  Non Clementine.  I returned to le door de la fronte et rang le belle again.  Non Clementine.  I decided to go back to le condo without her.  I took une left et then une right et then another right et looked up le grand hill.  There stood Clementine.  "Millie," she yelled down to moi. "I am up here."  I said, "I know Clementine.  I can see vous."  I walked up le hill to meet her.  She had walked to le other condos down le other rue. She'd called ma phone du cell when she didn't see moi. Ma mere had answered it. It was at le condo.  Ma mere told her la way. Finally we arrivez back at le condo et entreed through le door.  Claudette was parlezing. "I don't know how she can have so much beaucoup de la shit hanging on her walls like that.  Oh, bonjour Clementine.  I see Millie found vous après all." Ma Soeur:  Bonjour Clementine.  Glad vous could make it. Apres Clementine got settled, ma soeur began to speak. "Millie, votre petite enfante sees moi at l'ecole every jour.  Le first jour he smiled et waved at moi et said, bonjour Taunte Louisa.   Le second jour he did le same thing.  Et then on le third jour he said to moi, "vous are ma Taunte Louisa, right?" BS Club:  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ma Soeur:  Clementine, how es votre job at l'ecole ce year? Clementine:  I have been happy at ma job por twenty-two years, mais not anymore.    There es une neuvaux madame who es making ma life une living hell.  She es spreading le mauvais vibes all around.  I asked le principal if I could smudge le room.  He said non. Le problem es that it smells a lot like marijuana et le principal said that would not be le best idea por to do.  I have an appointemente avec le principal on Friday to discuss other alternatives. Ma Mere: Excusee moi. What le heck does smudge le room mean? Clementine: It is une American de les Natives traditionne.  Vous burns les bon herbs et then vous swing le smoke around et around le room to make le mauvais shit go away. Claudette:  I could use a smudging. Clementine: She es such une bitche that I  had to resort to those pills por les anxieties et le only times I ever take les pills por les anxieties es when I get une divorce or ma mason burns down. Ma Mere:  C'est domage.  I hope le principal can fix votre problem.  How es votre neuvaux apartemente? Clementine: Oh, j'adore it.  It es just perfectemente por moi.  I listen to le waves splashing on les rocks por to go to sleep. Claudette:  Which numero are vous? Clementine:  I picked door numero deux.  Just like on Le Price es Right. Louisa:  Just like le show de la game? Clementine: Oui. Giselle:  That was Let's Make une Deal. Moi: I met votre neuvaux neighbor outside ma mere.  He es moving some things en. Giselle:  Did vous tell him por to move his automobile?  He es way over le line por his side. Ma Mere:  He probably thinks, how many parking spaces does une little old mademoiselle need? Giselle:  Well, that es just rude. Moi:  Where es Maxwelle Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam? Ma Mere:  They are down les stairs getting ready por le Shake du Jour. [one_half][/one_half] [one_half_last][/one_half_last] Clementine:  I don't know how to shake les dices. Bartender du jour:  Ma Soeur Numbre du jour:  6 Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed. 1^st Shaker: Ma Mere……………resulte…………trois. 2^nd Shaker: Moi…………resulte…….Mais NON.  Not even une Six! 3rd Shaker: Clementine………..resulte……..deux.  (She will fit right en) 4^th Shaker: Giselle………….resulte……….trois 5^h Shaker: Claudette………….resulte……….trois 6th Shaker..........Ma Soeur...........resulte deux. Et then le door opened et we had un 7th Shaker.  It was mon frère-en-law Pierre.................resulte..................deux. Wow, seven losers!  That is le record por le Club de BS.

Tune in ce next week to find out if le neuvaux neighbor es still parking over le invisible line et if Clementine puts une curse on le evil mademoiselle.