BS CLUB Minutes – November 28, 2012

WARNING: NO ENTRÉE IF YOU DON’T LIKE NONSENSE OR TERRIBLE FRANCAIS

Date: Wednesday Novembre 28^th – Le FULL MOON episode Place: Le Condo Attendez: Ma Mere, Ma Soeur, Mon Amie Claudette, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam et moi. Quel Temps et’il?:  50 degrees Refreshmentes: Mais non refreshments! Official Business: Mais non official business! BS News:   Le loud clunking coming from ma soeur’s washer was due to un noir Sharpee Pen that came out of her fil’s pocket, landed in le pump et broke it.  Le top came off le pen during le spin cycle.  It still works, mais ma soeur doesn’t care.  She threw it away parfait it cost $160 to fix le washing machine et she never wants to see le pen again. Ma mere hung balles du Christmas over her place de fire et shiny  gold beads, making une designe that looks suspiciously like an angel or possibly a dragon fly. Today was Claudette's debut at la place de l’assisted living. This is what happened. Les police et les fire engines arrived in le morning parfait le chef burnt les sausages in le kitchen. Claudette doesn’t know how to turn off les alarms parfait une residente was barfing et she was attending to le barfing residente at le time.   Apres that she helped une madame walk across le bumpy terrain to le clinic parfait she needed to have her blood drawn.  Le madame got away from Claudette on l’incline de le hill.  La madame  said to Claudette, "Porquois are you helping moi?  Didn’t you just have surgery on votre hip?”  Later Caudette played cards at le tableau avec trois de les residentes parfait they needed un fourth to play. They told her she was une shitty player de cards. Claudette complained about le menu.  She says le place de l’assisted living needs more fruit.  When her pere stayed there, Claudette’s mere brought une large bowl de fruit to him, mais her pere got into beaucoup trouble parfait he had fruit flies.   Ma mere said she watched le movie, Finding Nemo, et she said she did not like le movie one bit.   I said I watched le movie The Descendants, et I said I did not like le movie very much, except of course George Clooney. [one_half]Ma mere set the upside down men’s underwear by le door for Claudette to take to chez toi to see if her chats like it.  Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam do not care for le upside down men’s underwear.[/one_half] [one_half_last][/one_half_last][one_half_last][/one_half_last]

 And then it was time por le shake du jour.

    Bartender du jour:  Ma Mere Numbre du jour: SNAKE EYES………….MAIS NON!  LE DREADED SNAKE EYES!!! 1^st Shaker: Ma mere, results……two ones. 2^nd Shaker: Claudette, results……..trois ones.  Claudette was granted une sip of her wine.   (She has to use the plastic glass parfait she has already broken two of ma mere’s nice wine glasses.) 3^rd Shaker: Moi……….results trois ones.  Historical!! Trois snake eyes.  Moi!!!  I was granted a shot of jager. 4^th Shaker: ma soeur………….results…..une  one: (  Mais, non swearing allowed. I believe that what happened next had to do with the full moon’s gravitational force. Ma souer decided to leave.  Claudette moved her vehicle so that ma soeur could back out of le driveway.  About fifteen minutes later I decided to leave.  When I got outside I noticed that Claudette’s car was now parked behind my car.  I didn’t want to make Claudette come out and move her car again. I decided that I could navigate around it. Instead of going over the steep cliff on the driver’s side of the driveway, I pulled into le garage next to ma mere’s car and tres carefully backed up, all the while cranking my steering wheel to go around Claudette’s car.  I was successful in avoiding Claudette’s vehicle, mais I heard une terrible scraping noise as if I was hitting it.  “Mon Dieu!”  That’s when I realized that ma front bumper on le driver’s side was hooked on le frame de metal inside ma mere’s garage door.  It snapped free and I quickly got out and investigated le situation.  Le garage door looked fine.  My car was not quite as perfect.   I tried le garage door several hundred times but it would not close.  I slithered back inside le condo and found ma mere standing next to Claudette with Club Soda and a wash cloth in her hand. Claudette’s white top was wet and marred with a giant burgundy wine stain across her chest.  Ma mere dropped her cleaning supplies et they both came outside to inspect mon damage.  Claudette noticed that I’d knocked the electric eye off le frame du metal et that was why le door would not shut.  So after several hundred attempts, I successfully got the electric eye reattached and le garage door working once again.  Finally I made it to chez moi.  When I walked in le door  Sven said, “Wow you’re late. Fun BS Club, huh?” Be sure to check in for next week’s BS Club minutes.  If you made it through this week’s story you obviously do not want to miss the answers to these important questions. Will Claudette’s chats like the upside down men’s underwear?  Will ma soeur dig that Sharpee pen out of her trash?  Will that stain come out of Claudette’s blouse?  Will Giselle return to BS Club next week?  Will ma mere’s garage door continue working?  Will Sven notice le bumper on my car?