BS Club Minutes March 6, 2013

 If vous do not like les French Accents avec les French slurs, aurevoir.

Attentione, attentione, I would like to make une tres importante announcemente!

I sat up en le dark de le night a few months ago.  Une French word or was it les French words, jumped into mon head, rupturing mon deep sleep.  Le next matin I wondered what the hell that was all about et I considered opening mon tattered Francais-Anglais, Anglais-Francais Dictionnaire, the one that says on le inside cover en mon own hand writing, If you find this dictionary, please return it to Millie Noe.  It’s my forth one this year.  But instead of going all de le way downstairs to get it, I got ready por work.  Last week I, as in moi, looked up une word.  I wanted to make sure that I was correct in using le word matin en mon blog et I was delighted to find that mon steel- trap-like- brain, le one that lets nothing en or out, had not failed moi. I was correcte, matin means morning.  Then since I had le old book en mon hand I remembered to looked up les word(s) that had interrupted mon rest de beauty that night, because.  This is not where I’m going to tell vous because why, I looked it up, mais non, this is where I am going to tell vous the word I needed to look up was, because. Well, son of a bitch et Jiminey les Crickets, I discovered that because is not parfait, et parfait is not because.  En that momente, mon youth came blasting back et I found monself sitting en mon classe de Francais et I heard le word loud et clear.  ‘Parsk’.   Only en Francais it is spelled, parce que.  That’s right, be cause is deux words en Francais.   Mon next questionne was, then what in the hell does ‘parfait’ mean? I have used parfait por be cause en eighteen Club de BS Minutes.  Le resulte was perfect.  Actually it wasn’t perfect, mais le word parfait means perfect.   In other words I created une parfait example de une faux pas. So, from this jour forward all de mes parfaits will be replaced avec les parce ques.   Et some jour, when I lose mon job du jour, I will go back et replace all de les rest de mes parfaits avec les parce ques. Et as long as we are back here en l’ecole du high, let’s pretendez por une momente that we are en le classe de algebra.  Remembere when vous could not imaginne when or where les equationnes would come en handy?  Well, now we know. Et now on to le Club de BS et merci beaucoup por votre attentionne. Temps:It is still FN' winter. Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez: Ma mere, Ma soeur, Mon Amie Claudette, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi Refreshmentes: Mon favourite  dip carried over from le last meeting et les Tostitos avec le sauce de la chaud salsa Official BS Business: Ma Mere: "Millie, le next Club de BS is on votre birthday.  Do vous want to do something speciale por le occassionne? Would vous like une soiree?  Perhaps Sven would like to take vous out por dinnere?" Moi:  "Hmm.  Let moi pense por une momente.  Ah HAH! I’ve got une tres fabulouse idea.  Why don’t we meet ici at Chez Mere’s et turn on le place de la fire et have a few de les cocktails et some delicious hors de vors et I can open all de les presentes et do le shake du jour et apres le Club de BS, I will go to chez moi et eat une dinner prepared by mon Sven.  Une perfecte celebrationne." Ma Mere: "Tres bon. Le official business is closed unless any of vous parlez up now."

[one_half] Be seated s'il vous plait, parce que vous will not believe votre ears when vous hear le news.  Mais oui!!! Ma Mere has joined le club de Facebook!!! Et ici is le photographe to prove it. So if vous receive une requeste de votre amie-ship et vous do not know who le requestore is, remembre s'il vous plait, it could be ma mere et some jour it could be votre mere.[/one_half]

[one_half_last][/one_half_last] [one_half]Claudette has decided to drink le wine in lieu de her classe de water aerobics ce soir et elle has une strange rashe upon her neck et upon her ears et under les girls, mais elle refuses to believe that it could be from le salon du la beauty ou they poured le rinse avec le shiney neuvaux coloure onto her tete et made her hair tres jolie.  Elle is pensing about taking une classe de Administrationne, mais, it will cost $4000 et elle would have to study et that could be causing le strange rashe upon her neck et upon her ears et under les girls. Then Claudette began to parlez about le place de l'assisted living. It is la place de her employmente. Elle was looking at ma mere as elle told une story about une mademoiselle who likes to bite les peoples.  Elle said that her job is all over de la place. Du jour elle washed une derriere, then elle cleaned une carpet,then elle took les pressures du les bloodes, then elle got une telephone fixed por une tennante, then elle parlezed avec les familles de les tenantes, then elle wrote les reportes et at le end du le jour une patiente went to le hospitale et elle had to write another reporte.  Ma mere said to Claudette, "Porquoi do vous keep on looking at moi?" "Oh, I am tres sorry, I did not mean to be looking at vous while I told les stories about les patients."  Then Claudette told le Club de BS that it is tres importante por[/one_half] [one_half_last][/one_half_last] les familles to be les advocates por les tenantes en assisted living.  Ma mere said,  "Did vous two hear that?"  "Oui," I said, "I am writing it down, ma mere."  Ma soeur said, "I will be tres mad if I have to shovel mon driveway une more time. Our blower de la snow has been broken por le whole winter et this winter le tres beautiful snowflakes won't stop  falling out de les fornicating skies."  (Ma soeur does not swear, mais since we pronounce soeur, swear, I thought it was only appropriate to put le word fornicate ento le story, et sometimes mon swearing just comes out de mon fingers when I am typing along.)  Claudette's chat needs to go to la dentiste at la place de la veterinary et have une infected tooth extracted por to save her life por une enormous fee de $300.  That could be le cause de Claudette's strange rashe upon her neck et upon her ears et under les girls.  Then Claudette said that her husband's worst nightmare is when les clientes pick out their paintes et that makes Claudette tres angry parce que elle can only dream that her worst nightmare would be her clientes picking out their paintes! [one_half][/one_half]

[one_half_last]Then she said, "Mon other chat likes to take les petite nibbles on mon arms et mon amie told moi that it means that mon chat is attracted to moi." Ma mere looked at Maxwelle Smarte et then at Claudette, et said, "Stop looking at moi."[/one_half_last]

Et then it was le parfait time por le Shake du Jour parce que, I said so.

Bartender du jour:  Ma Mere Numbre du jour:  4 Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming is allowed. 1^st Shaker: Ma Mere……………resulte…………deux  fours.  "Seriously? Unbelievable!" 2^nd Shaker: Ma Soeur…………resulte…….deux fours.  "Seriously? What a bunche de crappee!" 3rd Shaker: Claudette………..resulte……..trois fours.  "Seriously? This game sucks le big one!" 4th Shaker: Moi………..resulte……..trois fours.  "Seriously?  Must control les fingres............non swearing...non swearing, MAIS NON!

Stop in next week et let us know if ma mere has ami-ed vous et if elle is posting all de les stories on votre time lines.  Et do not forget le tres importante equationne de algebra  por all de les  previous Club de BS Minutes, (parfait) = (parce que) et all de les neuvaux Club de BS Minutes, (parce que) =  (parfait), Be cause I said so.