This area is strictly restricted por les misfits who like to believe that they can read en Francais.
Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo
Attendez: Ma mere, Ma soeur, Ma neice Bridgette Luanne, Mon Amie Giselle,
Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi
Refreshmentes: Les tres expensive chips de les tortillas avec le homemade sauce de la salsa et les chips de pommes avec le dip de la Francais Onion.
Official BS Business: We are tres happy to announce that there is non official business du jour parce que all de les plans por le Celebratione du Easter are set.
BS Topics et conversations: Apres roll call ma soeur began une discusson. “I saw une robin du jour.” Ma mere said, “I saw une robin le last week.” I said, “I have not seen une robin at all.” Ma niece Bridgette Luanne who was texting on le phone du cell said nothing. Giselle said, “I have not seen une robin, mais, I did see une pecker de les woods.” Ma mere said, “Did vous read le minutes de le last Club de BS?” “Non,” she answered. Then we all laughed et laughed et said, “Giselle, vous need to read les last minutes.” Ma mere said, “Giselle, how is votre mere doing après her accidente.” “Oh, ma mere is doing tres bon. Elle gets better et better every jour.” Ma soeur said, “What happened to votre mere?” Et Giselle said, “Ma mere broke le hip.” BS Club Chorus: “Oh, c’est domage. Poor mere de Giselle. ” Ma mere said, “How did votre mere break le hip?” Giselle said, “Elle fell out de la bed when elle was reaching por her necklace du la life alertez.” Then ma mere looked right at moi et said, “See Millie, I told vous I don’t want une de those things.” Et then Giselle told une story about her uncle who has been telling all de les peoples that her mere has la dementia. “Does votre mere have la dementia?” asked ma mere? “Mais, non. Now that ma mere is off de les medicines de les paines après breaking le hip, elle is back to normal et bossing moi around, telling moi to bring les things from her mason to la place de les rehabilitations. Et ma mere tells moi e-x-a-c-t-l-y which drawer in les dressers le certain clothes are en et e-x-a-c-t-l-y which clothes por moi to bring to her. Elle certainmente does not suffer avec la dementia.” Et then ma niece Bridgette Luanne looked up from her phone du cell et elle said, “Our chat has la dementia.” Ma soeur said, “Non, elle does not have la dementia.” Bridgette Luanne said, “Didn’t vous see her du jour when elle was staring out le window at nothing por ten minutes et I could not get her attention even avec les treats?” I said, “It sounds to moi like votre chat is une chatatonic chat, not une chat avec la dementia.” Ma niece Bridgette Luanne said, “Et then après staring into nothing por ten minutes et being chatatonic, elle began to race en les circles around le room de la living.” Ma soeur said, "Elle does that every jour, Bridgette Luanne." Et then ma niece Bridgette Luanne went back to le texting on her phone du cell. I whispered to ma niece, “Happy half de la Birthday mon child de Deiu,” et elle said, “Merci ma taunte et Mere Dieu, mais, I don’t want les next six monthes to passe.” “Porquoi?” “Parce que on mon next birthday I will be twenty two, et I don’t pense I like that numbre.” Et then elle went back to texting on le phone du cell. Next I heard Giselle parlezing on about her rogue frere. Not rouge, as in red, rogue as in rogue. Giselle was saying, "et then mon frere said
, Even though I am not emotionally attached to ma mere, j’adour her.” I watched ma soeur pense about les words por une momente et then elle squished up her face et said, “What le hell?” Ma mere said, “Giselle did vous remember to take all de les medicines por les allergies por les chats
Maxwelle Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, before coming ce soir?” “Oui. All except les drops por mes eyes. I hate to put en les drops por mes eyes.” Then I mentioned that I thought it was tres humorous that ma soeur gave away their sofa to their fil when he moved to his neuvaux apartemente et now they don’t have une sofa en their room de la living. Ma niece looked up from her phone du cell et said, “I don’t pense it’s funny. I have no place to sit mon derriere during le break de la spring et that was mon favourite spot. Le last soir, I watched le televisione from le floor.” Giselle said to ma soeur, “I think vous should get une neuvaux sofa made avec la suede. Et then ma niece Bridgette Luanne looked up from her phone du cell et said, “We have une sofa at mon apartemente avec le nommer BAKIRA - Suede.” Ma mere said, “Vous nommer le couche?” “Oui, le nommer is from deux nommers put together, Beatrice et Shakira. Et BAKIRA-Suede has her own page on la Club de Facebook.” Et then before returning to her phone du cell, Bridgette Luanne said. “ Ma neuvaux mate de la room et moi want to get our own pet en le fall. Mais we disagree what kind to get. I would like to have une chat, mais ma mate de la room would like to have une hedgehog.” “Non,” I said. “Vous do not want une hedgehog.” “That’s what I said,” said Bridgette Luanne. “So we compromised et now we decided that we will get une chat et we will nommer our chat, Hedgehog.”
[one_half]
[/one_half]
[one_half_last]Et then Bridgette Luanne went back to texting on le phone du cell. Then Giselle spoke de le time that she got ketchup on les glasses. I remembre it well parce que I was there le jour that she bit into une Chicago Styled Hot Chien, mais les teethes only scored le hot chien which caused une reaction de la chain, flipping le pickle fulle de les ketchups et les mustardes straight ento le air, et then before it landed back en le bun it left les splatters du ketchups on les glasses et mustardes on les breasts. Et then le conversation turned to les advertisementes de les medicines on les televisionnes avec all de les warnings that ma mere sees while elle is doing les exercises on le mill de la tread. Et I mentioned thatI had seen une advertisemente por le fungus on les nailes du les toes[/one_half_last] that could kill vous, morte. Et Giselle said that elle had une case de les fungus on les nails de les thumbs et elle wrapped them up avec le Vapor du la Vicks before going to le bed, et en just trois short soirs le fungus de les nails de les thumbs was gone por good. Ma niece Bridgette Luanne looked up from her phone du cell et elle said that on her box de les Midols there was une warning that said,
Do not take if vous have ever had le cancer de le prostate. I watched ma soeur pense about les words por une momente et then elle squished up her face et said, “What le hell?” Et then ma niece Bridgette Luanne said something to le effect that it could make les balles fall off. Apres that conversation we learned that les jeune peoples now drink les shots avec le nommers like,
Le shop de les jobs de les blows et
Divez vous por les muffs. Et that made Giselle jumpee to her feetes to say, "Je pense it is le heur por ma tete de la moose to pay us une visite. Et ma niece Bridgett Luanne said, "How do vous drink that stuff?" Et Giselle said "It's tres easy, we sip it." Et ma niece Bridgette Luanne said, "Mais, porquoi?" Et Giselle said, "Parce que we like it." Et ma niece Bridgette Luanne said, "Je ne t'aime pas, le Jager." Et then ma mere said,
"Hey, isn't it time por le shake du jour?"
Bartender du jour: Ma Mere
Numbre du jour: deux
Rules: Une dollar to play, cinq de le kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed.
1st Shaker: Ma Soeur……………resulte…………deux, deuxs.
2nd Shaker: Giselle…………resulte…….une, deux.
3rd Shaker: Ma niece Bridgette Luanne………..resulte……..une , deux.
4th Shaker: Moi………….resulte……….une, deux.
4th Shaker: Ma mere………….resulte……….deux, deuxs.
Excusee moi por saying, mais that is unbelievably tres horrible luck. Sept deuxs between all de les shakesr? Porquoi Mon Dieu?!!! Porquoi do vous hate us so?!!! Ah, I know, vous want le pot to be une big hit por votre Celebration du Easter. Now I see. Vous always like les hidden messages.
Vous won't want to miss le next weeks Club de BS where vous can find out if it is true. Was our deare Dieu waiting por just le right momente et just le right personne to win le grand pot du cash en le red solo cup? Et who is his chosen favourite?
