BS Club Minutes Februrary 13, 2013

Do Not Enter unless you like annoying, hilarious, crap written in an annoyingly, hilarious, fashion.  And no, this is not the Rosetta Stone School of Language.

Date: Wednesday: February 13, 2013 Temps: 22 degrees  Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez: Ma mere, Ma soeur,  Mon Amie Giselle, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi Refreshmentes: Dip du les spinaches et chunks du bread por dipping into le dip du les spinaches Official BS Business:  There is non official business on today's agenda.  Now would be le time to come forward if anyone has any official business to discuss.  Official business, going once?  Official business, going twice?  Mais oui, there is non official business ce soir.  Time to celebrate.  Everyone take your places s'il vous plait. BS Topics et conversations:  Ma soeur gave une update on our amie avec le dirty bastarde husband who did not want her anymore et then he changed his mind après she found  herself une neuvaux, hot et sexy boyfriend.  Together she et her dirty bastarde husband went to see une counselor de la marriage et when le mademoiselle counselor saw our amie she exclaimed, MON DIEU, MON DIEU!  YOU ARE TRES GEORGOUS! MON DIEU!” Le mademoiselle counselor could not get over how beauuuuuttifulllllll our amie was et our amie could not get over how beauuuuuttiffullllll le mademoiselle counselor thought she was.  “Nobody ever says that to me,” said our amie.  “Well, how did le marriage counseling go?”  “Oh,” answered ma soeur, “Le marriage is Ka-poute.”  Our poor amie.  First she had no one to love her et now she has deux monsieurs et une mademoiselle counselor du la marriage who all think that she is le hottest thing walking le earth.  She is tres confused about all of it.  Life works in le strange fashiones.  Giselle said, "My favourite cookies are les cinnamon, oatmeal, et raisin cookies."   Ma mere asked ma soeur, “What kind du les cookies were les cookies that you brought home from l’ecole a long time ago? They had oatmeal et raisins et trail mix or something crunchy in them.” Giselle said, “Sounds to moi like le old pot brownies.” “Mais non,” said ma mere.  “Louisa was in le sixth grade et les cookies were from l’ecole.”  Giselle said, “They still sound like le pot brownies.”  Ma mere said, “Do people actually eat les baked brownies avec pot?” I said, “Mais, oui, et if you ever receive one ma mere, be sure not to eat le whole thing. They taste horrible et you will not be able to walk or talk por quite some time.”  Ma mere said, “How do you know that Milicent?” I said, “Isn't that bottle over there that Susie Le Q made, tres beeauutiffullll?" [one_half][/one_half] [one_half_last]Then Giselle said, “I learned something new yesterday but now I cannot remember what it was.”   I said, “How do you know that you learned something new if you cannot remember?”  She said, “Parfait, I was tres excited et I was planning to share what I learned here at Club de BS, but now I don’t know what the heck it was.”  Then le subject switched to le old days when people smoked les cigarettes in les offices.  I had been to une retirement soiree et le mademoiselle said she began her career in le key punch department, and all de les mademoiselles smoked les cigarettes while they were punching les keys. “How could that be? Why didn’t le papers catch on fire?”  Then Giselle confessed that she herself was responsible por deux fires that she started in her office.  Le first was le paper on le type writer.  When she hit le return key le paper came flying back et flopped over into her ashtray et it caught on fire immediatement et she had to douse le fire avec[/one_half_last] her coffee.  Then she had to re-type le whole paper.  Le second fire took place une afternoon when she was eating lunch at her desk et une towel du paper fell into le flame on le candle that she had burning in order to create office ambience.  Apres le second incidente she quit burning les candles et she quit smoking les cigarettes.  Le fire department was tres relieved to learn de le news et they laid trois volunteers off et sold une truck to le next county.  Ma soeur told us about another amie of hers who did not go to les movies avec her amies parfait her husband put down his foote  et said they had to prepare por les taxes.  "Les taxes?" ma mere said, “Aren’t les taxes due in le middle du Avril?”  Ma soeur said, “Mais oui, mais her husband is une monsieur with une giante, anal, ass."  She continued on, "Mon amie took une clipboard et sat right next to him all de la evening long et would not leave his side et drove him mad avec her help with all de les numbres.”   We all agreed that was a good technique et her husband would probably not bother her about les taxes again.  Then ma soeur showed off her neuvaux socks. [one_half][/one_half] [one_half_last]We were saddened to hear le news that Marques Bovre of Marques Bovre and the Evil Twins, passed.  He was une tres talented musician et he will be missed. Then Giselle confessed in front de le club de BS members that her husband has killed more than une rock et roll star.  “Oh really?”  “Oui," she said, “We went to see Stevie Ray Vaghn et that very same night his plane crashed et he was killed.  Another time he bought tickets to see Le Doors, mais he could not go to le concert parfait Jim Morrison was found morte in le Paris France apartemente.”   Ma soeur said, “So who else did he kill? Did he kill Jimmy Hendrix?"  Giselle said, “Non, he did not kill Jimmy Hendrix.”  I said, “Did he kill Janis Joplin?" Giselle said, “I don’t think so.” Ma Mere said, "Did he kill Otis Redding?"[/one_half_last]"Non," Giselle said, "I know for une fact that he had nothing to do with le demise du Otis Redding."  "Buddy Holly?"  "Non." "What about John Denver?"  "Non, he did not kill John Denver."  "So in reality he really only killed two."  "Well I think there were more.  I'll ask mon husband who else he killed when we go to church."  Then for ten minutes straight we tried to say ‘e-x-a-c-t-l-y’, the way our souer-in-law says it.  But we could not do it. She pronounces le ‘C’ et le ‘T’ tres precisely et finishes le word with le LY all in one smooth syllable.  Giselle said she cannot stand le way people who live in Louisville say Louisville, like their tongues are too tired to say any de le letters, mais she has no problem that people say Werster instead de Worcester.  Sounds like une double standard to moi. And then Giselle said, “I have to leave. I am going to meet mon husband et I must not be late por le Ash Wednesday service.’”  Then she popped une piece du gum into her bushe.

Vite!  Time por le Shake du Jour.  Giselle needs monies por le church.

Bartender du jour:  Ma Mere

Numbre du jour:  2 Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming is allowed. 1^st Shaker: Ma Mere……………resulte…………une full house….prize….une free drink 2^nd Shaker: Ma Soeur…………resulte…….one ever lovin’ two.  prize?  Mais non! C'est tragique. 3rd Shaker: Giselle……….resulte…….four ones!!!!!!  YAY Giselle wins une shot du Jagermeister.  C'est domage.  Non monies por le churche et I will have to take care of Giselle's shot, parfait she must be going. 4^th Shaker: Moi………..resulte……..one stinking two. Blah, blah, blah.

Be sure to tune in next time to find out if Giselle's husband killed any other rock stars, and, if that is not enough excitedmente por vous, do not forget, le pot de cash is still intact and it is rumored to be more than $150!!!  Aurevoir til then, mes amies.