BS Club Minutes February 5, 2013

If you do not tolerate cocktails et nonsense - keep out s'il vous plait.

Date: Wednesday: February 5, 2013 Temps: Winter Meeting Place: Le Condo This is how the meeting started. “Where is le mere’s car?”  “Je ne sais pas.” “You don’t know?”  “Non, je ne sais pas. When I got here le mere’s car et le mere were both gone.” "How long have you been here?" "Half an hour." "Where could she be?" "Je ne sais pas.  It's very strange." “Do you think she forgot we switched  BS to today?” “Non, she knows it’s today. Where could she be?" "Maybe she is off getting her mail.” “That takes two minutes.” “Should we be worried?  Did something happen to her? Do we need to call les police?” The door opened et in walked le mere. “Sorry I’m late.  I got to my haircut appointmente early mais le stylist was running behind. You weren't worried were you?” "Non." Attendez: Ma mere, Ma soeur,  Mon Amie Claudette, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi Refreshmentes:  Une platter du les Petite sanwiches filled avec salade du Chicken Official BS Business:  Une extensive inspection de la neuvaux carpeting laid by les carpet layers was completed and it recieved a 100% approval rating from all de les presentes Club de BS members.  Ma soeur et her special appliance whispering talents helped ma mere connect le animal hair attachemente onto le new vacuum cleaner they picked up over le weekend.  Ma mere's other vacuum is awaiting help from Giselle's talented fil. He will look at it when he has le chance. Ma mere told us to take les dishes on le tableau home. She was not going to put them back into her hutch.  Here are a couple examples of our new dishes. Grandmere's pitcher et glass set et le very platter that ma grandmere used to put ma mere's birthday cakes on por ma mere to blow out les candles et make her wishes. [one_third][/one_third] [one_third][/one_third] [one_third_last][/one_third_last] BS Topics: “Where is Giselle ce soir?” asked ma mere noticing she had not responded during roll call.  "Well," I began, "I told her about le rescheduling du Club de BS et Giselle checked her phone du cell et said, “Uh-oh, I have something on my calendar on Tuesday."  Then she said, "Oh my gosh, it says here that I have BS Club on Tuesday. Look at this.  I must have put it in mon phone du cell wrong.  I put Tuesday instead of Wednesday.  Isn't that funny? Well that works.  Yes I can make it.  I’m planning on it.  I’ll be there.  If my phone says I will be there, I will be there.”  Ma mere said, “So where is she?” I said, “Well Giselle can not make it today."[one_half]Claudette breezed in le side door avec une partial bottle du wine with a cork stuffed in it.  She picked out her very own special plastique for safety purposes, wine glass, inspected le carpet under orders to do so et also gave it a 100% approval rating et then she filled her glass avec le wine et took une sip.  "Bluck," she said. Then she put le glass into le microwave et turned it on to remove le chill.   Claudette had been driving with le bottle stuck in her crotche, mais, she said,"This wine is so cheap that it is still fraud et tasteless even apres being in moi crotche por all that time.  (I just write le facts.)[/one_half] [one_half_last][/one_half_last] Ma soeur said that une sweet young fille at l’ecole got une guinea pig for a pet et named le guinea pig Sweetie.  "Isn’t that sweet?" she said.  When we were growing up we had trois guinea pigs, Bunny, Squirt et Peanut Butter. We reminisced about les sounds they made when we walked into le room, le smell de les soggy peed upon shredded newspapers et le petite round pellets they would shoot out of their cute little asses.  The talk de les soggy newspapers reminded ma mere de le days that she stuffed le newspaper into our winter boots.  Ma soeur said that le tax preparer monsieur in town suffered from une heart attack, mais, Sven just talked to him last week et he was breathing fine et he  never mentioned anything about having une heart attack.  Ma soeur shook le wet et heavy snow off de les branches de la big evergreen tree in her yard, mais, by doing so she pissed off le bird famille that was living in le snow fort made by le covered branches.  She said les birds scared her et they were tres mad et they would not stop le squawking at her et she was just trying to help le tree et she meant no harm to les birds.  Le Chat: Morrie Amsterdam began making puking noises in le living room in le middle de ma mere’s new carpet.  I ran et grabbed une paper towel por le impending disaster, mais, it was un false puking alarm, et Morrie Amsterdam walked away with a smirk on his face. Claudette’s soeur had to put her chien down last week.  He was eighteen years old.  C’est domage.  He was a tres nice et sweet chien et Claudette et her soeur will miss him terribly.  Claudette will not miss her soeur’s other chien if he ever passes away.  She said he was a vagabond who showed up at her soeur’s père-in-law’s funeral seven years ago. He was in le grave yard peeing on les tombstones during le ceremony.  Le next day when they went back to le grave yard to bring more fleurs he was sitting there next to her pere-in-law's headstone et they thought he might be her reincarnated  in-pere-in-law.  So they brought him home et he has been nothing but trouble ever since that day.  He reminds Claudette much more of her Grandpere Rouge who was a May Tag Repair Monsieur in his day and was always gone. She said it was  before Le May Tag Washers were perfected and they needed fixing all de le damn time et her grandpere was running off et gone much de le damn time just like that damned chien of her soeur's.  "That damned chien even used to jump out le window to escape," Claudette said, "mais my soeur always got him back."  Now Claudette’s soeur also believes that her naughty chien is possibly their reincarnated Grandpere Rouge instead of her reincarnated pere-in-law.  I said, “What would your dead grandpere be doing at your soeur's pere-in-law's grave? He wouldn't even have known your souer's pere-in-law."  Ma soeur said, “I don’t see le connection.” Ma mere didn't say a word.

And then it was time por le Shake du Jour

Bartender du jour: Mon Amie Claudettee Numbre du jour:  ONE (Just shoot me) Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, three shakes et farming is allowed.  Maxwelle Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam could not get over how big le pile de cash looked once it was removed from it's home in le Red Solo Cup.   Holy shit and shinola, that's a Pot load. 1^st Shaker: Ma Mere……………resulte…………three, ones.  Tres bon!!!!  Not bad por our streak of bad luck.  Bartender, pour one free drink por ma mere. 2^nd Shaker: Moi…………resulte…….one ever loving, stupid, idiotic, crappy, poopy, one. 3rd Shaker: Claudette……….resulte…….two ones.  Not bad, but no free drink. 4^th Shaker: Ma Soeur………..resulte……..one ever loving, stupid, idiotic, crappy, poopy, one. Would somebody please put that wad of cash back into the Red Solo Cup before les chats eyesballs fall out of their heads?

Stop in next week to see what Giselle's watch has scheduled for her and in the meantime be sure to keep your fingers crossed et wish upon a falling star that les upcoming companies that are coming this weekend por an all girl soiree at le condo will graciously donate thier dollares to le sweet pile de monies. Merci Beaucoup.