BS Club Minutes, Decembre 19, 2012

KEEP OUT: Unless you like to be shocked with horrifyingly boring stories told in a horrifying style.  Merci Beaucoup.

Frist of all I would like to say pardonnez moi to all of le millions de Club du BS fans for le long delay for le highly anticipated minutes from our last meeting 12/19/12, mais le snowstorm et les Holidays have kept moi tres, tres, beaucoup, tres, busy and away from mon scribbled notes de l’occasion.  Accept mon apologies, s’il vous plait. Date: Wednesday: Decembre 19, 2012 Temps: 28 degrees avec une winter storm watch ce soir et possibly une BLIZZARDE coming demain!!! La mademoiselle on le news said, “At 6:00 PM heur, leave wherever you’re at. (That is really what she said. She did not say, leave where you’re at … bitch, as we would say in order to end our sentences in proper Englais format.  We would never leave a sentence hanging there with a preposition.  Such a tragique use de language.) Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez: Ma mere, Ma Soeur, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam et Moi Refreshments du jour: Fromage du Pepper Jacques, Les Fritos et les Crackers du Triscuits, por those of us who are counting les calories. Official Business: Por Christmas Eve at le Condo avec our tres giante famille, le following will be served. Mon Frere Ket, some kind of une soup that is a cross between Italian Wedding Soupe et Minestrone Soupe. Sven, Saur Kraut Soupe avec les sausages et une pot du Oyster Stew (gross). Ma Mere, Soupe de Parmesan Fromage et bread du Francais. Le rest de les companies will be bringing les cookies du Christmas et une assortmente d'hors d’oeuvres. Ma Saeur said she will be bringing Pringles et Veggie Pizza on Rolls de la Crescentes. Le heur la soiree will commence? Mid-afternoon-ish. Everyone must remembre to bring le gift to passé, por l’exchange. Unofficial BS Stuff: Claudette was not able to attendez du jour, parfait, elle STILL has company that elle has been very much looking forward to having, including her petite enfante. Giselle is babysitting une of her petite enfantes du jour et elle is hoping et praying that les parentes will arrive home sooner rather than later as we are all to leave where we are at, le heur du 6:00 PM. I lost my phone du cell when I was Christmas shopping, mais non, wait, it wasn’t when I was Christmas shopping. It was when I attended une tres, tres and not in le joking way, tres, sad event, avec mon Amie, Sissy. Sissy left une message on my answering machine at chez moi that said to call her parfait she had mon phone du cell. Mais, I could not call her, parfait her numbre de le phone du cell is in mon phone du cell et she has mon phone du cell. Sissy later left another message at chez moi. Mais, I did not listen to le message, parfait, I was at le Christmas Concert at l’ecole, le night that she called.  Sven called moi, right here, at le Club du BS, to say that he listened to le message from Sissy, et Sissy said she dropped it off in Sven’s work-shoppe, while we were away. Sissy said she put it behind le………….and then her phone du cell went dead. So Sven was not finding mon phone du cell anywhere in his shoppe du work. He dialed mon phone du cell to help to locate it, mais, les batteries were also dead. I called Sissy from le Club du BS meeting, parfait ma soeur had Sissy's numbre in her phone du cell. Sissy said, "mais non, I did not say that I put your phone du cell behind anything in le shoppe, mais, I said that I put it in front de le Miracle Grow on le shelf by le box de les Fuses." So then I called Sven to tell him le good news about mon phone du cell and he found it right in front de le Miracle Grow et le box de les fuses. Sven told moi to leave BS Club at 6:00. He said le store de la groceries had a line all le way back to les freezers.  All presente at BS Club decided that it was ninety-nine percent de le town at le store since they do not attendez BS Club on Wednesdays. That is why we weren’t at le store avec them. Sven said that he was still waiting to hear if he had to report to jury duty demain. Le judge had not yet canceled le hearing, even avec le warning de la pending blizzarde. I told Sven that it was time to get off le phone, parfait, BS Club was underway et we had importante business to attend to. Ma Soeur said that a car slid into her front yard this afternoon while she was looking out le window, like Gladys Cravitz. Ma Sauer’s youngest fil called her at Club du BS et said he broke his phone du cell du jour. It hit le cement et busted le screen et now it does not work et he needed to call le Salon to say he would be late por his hair cut.  Ma Sauer said, "You go there and wait till they have time to squeeze you in.  But leave where ever you are at by 6:00 PM."  Then ma Sauer called her husband et told him she now knew what to get por their youngest fils por Christmas. Ma Mere said she saw une advertisement to une film called, Guilt Trip, that looks tres humourus and we should attendez. I brought une gift por ma Sauer to open that I forgot to give her when the trois of us exchanged our gifts, parfait dementia has settled into my brain.  She liked it tres, beaucoup. It was une bottle that ma taunte, Susie- le- Q, decorated avec beads et  ribbons, et Christmas lights.  Tres Jolie. Maxwelle Smarte brought his tattered cube avec le mouse upstairs to join the rest of us and then....

5:50 PM……………..Only ten minutes left.  Time por Le Shake du Jour.

Bartender du jour: Ma Sauer Numbre du jour: Four Rules: Five of a kind to win half de la pot. Trois shakes et Farming is allowed. 1st Shaker: Ma sauer, results……two fours, one four, zero four. Prize: mais non. 2nd Shaker: Ma Mere, results……..une four, zero four, zero four. Prize: Positively absolutely notta. 3rd Shaker: Moi………….results…..une four, une four, une four. Prize: mais non. Le next BS Club will be held on Wednesday January le 3rd, due to le Holiday Season et all le companies.  Keep your fingers crossed, s'il vous plait, that history will not repeat itself, et le pot por le shake du jour is not emptied out by les companies, mais instead le pot will grow with their green dollars.

Happy Holidays to all and please, now, leave wherever you are at, bitch.