Welcome to Le Club de BS. Cool Chats only inside.
Officiale BS Business
NADA.
BS Conversationnes
Moi: It es freeeezing out there.
Ma Mere: Le chill de les winds es going to be 18 below zero.
Ma Soeur: Mon Dieu!
Ma Mere: Does anybody care por les snackez?
Moi: Non. Je suis stuffezed.
Clementine: Not por moi.
Ma Soeur: Non. Je suis full.
Moi: I like votre hair, ma Mere. Vous look like vous givez une shit.
Clementine: Oui, vous look tres nice, Genvieve.
Ma Soeur: Vous do look like vous givez une shit et I look like I don't.
Le Club: Hahahahahahahahahha.
Maxwelle Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam commenced to play avec une box en ce room de les livings.
They do not care por les talks about les hairs.
Ma Mere: Vous should have seen moi yesterday. I wavezed at vous Clementine, mais I don't pense vous knew who I was avec la bouffante on le top de ma tete.
Clementine: I knew who vous were, mais not by la bouffante. I saw votre stick du la bumper when vous went by.
Ma Soeur: Le truck de les lunches brokez down du jour so I had to help loadez up all de les equipmentes et les trays ento une van. Et then I had to run aroundez por les buns de les chaud chiens. Ma whole jour was une cluck de fuster.
Clementine: What? Vous had to run aroundez por les buns?
Ma Soeur: Vous see, some de les peoples can not countez. There were beaucoup de les buns at l'ecole du high mais not at l'ecole de le Elementary et there were beaucoup de les chaud chiens at l'ecole de le Elementary mais not at l'ecole de high. Vous need le same numbre de les chaud chiens et les buns at both de les places por things to work out.
Et then le conversationne switchezed over to les marines. Ma soeur's fil left por to be une soldier le last week et it has been tres stressful por all du us, mais por Louisa it has been horrible. Christophe was supposed to callez Louisa between 11:00 PM et 1:00 AM le next night to say that he arrivez at le base, mais he did not callez et he did not callez. Ma soeur said, "I had ma phone du cell next to moi all le night long enside ma bed. Mais it did not ringez. Then I had it avec moi all jour long at ma work. Non ringez there either. Then, I leftez it en ma automobile por six de les minutes this après noon et when I came out to ma vehicle ma phone said une missezed call.
Clementine: Vous can never ever believez what they say en le military. It es never true. Don't ever believez une freaking word they tell vous.
NEVER.
Ma soeur: Then, when I did not answerez ma phone du cell, Christophe callezed Pierre. Pierre said that he read une script that said "This es Recruite Christophe. I have arrivez at le boot de les camps." Et then he hungez up le phone.
Le Club: OMD!!! That was it?
Clementine: It es okay. Christophe will be okay. I was en le military et mes childrens are en le military. Vous will see, Louisa. It es tres scary now, mais vous will be so proudez when he graduates. Et he will be so proudez too. Et je pense that Christophe will make une bon instructor de les drills.
Moi: Vous do?
Clementine: Oui.
Ma Mere: Porquoi?
Clementine: Parce que Christophe has une certainmente presence about him.
Le Club was silente.
Ma Soeur: Vous pense that Christophe has une certainmente presence about him?
Clementine: Oui.
Moi: What kind du le certainmente presence?
Clementine: He has le kind du la presence that les peoples respecte.
Le Club was silente.
I went to get le Jagermeister out du la freezer. "Uh oh," I said, "Lookez ici. Giselle leftez her bottle de la Jagermeister en le freezer le last week et it es already opened. I should probably usez this une first."
Ma Soeur: Vous should definitemente usez le bottle that es opened.
Moi: Je pense vous es correctemente. I will usez le bottle that Giselle left.
Clementine: Ma fille wanted to be une instructor de les drills.
Ma Mere: Es she une instructor de les drills?
Clementine: Non! She could never be. She es just like moi, une clutz. I saw her marching en le parade de le graduationne et she was going en les wrongez directionnes et was offez de le beat from all de les other peoples who were marching. She gets that from moi. I have le same problem. I can not joinez les groups de les dancers. I always bumpez ento les others.
Moi: Moi too. J'aime le aroebics de les waters parce que no one can see if I am doing les wrongez moves under les waters.
Ma Mere: Did vous guys see that le price de le gas es down to 3.02$ at le Trip de les Kwiks?
Ma Soeur: Oui. That es excellentee news.
Et then le conversationne took une turn to le Club de les Curlers. Ma Soeur said, "Je despisez le Club de les Curlers." Ma Mere said, "Je ne mindez pas le Club de les Curlers." I said, "J'aime le Club de les Curlers." Clementine said, "J'adorez le Club de les Curlers."
Clementine: Mes parentes curlezed all de ma life. That es where I hungez out growing up. Le Club de les Curlers es en mes bloodes. I still have le sweater from ma mere's Nationale Bonspiel de les Mademoiselle's. They won that year vous know. There was une grande parade et everything when they returnezed to town. They were tres famous. Et I always usezed ma pere's broom por la sweeping when I curlezed. Mais then, une tragique soir, le keeper de la ice said to moi, "Vous can not usez that broom anymore, Clementine. Les bristles es falling out on la ice et fucking up le game."
Ma Soeur: Did les marines changez votre fil?
Clementine: Before he joinezed, he was unsure du himself et organized de la DIS. Mais now he es sure du himself.
Ma Soeur: Es he organized?
Clementine: Non. He es still organized de la DIS.
Moi: Yay! That es excellente news, Louisa. Christophe will still be organized de la DIS.
Ma Mere: Oh. That es bon news.
Clementine: Vous don't want Christophe por to be organized?
Ma Mere: Non. We don't want Christophe to changez. We like Christophe just le way he es.
Ma Soeur: Mais Clementine, I don't know what he es doing all de les times. I will go crazy.
Clementine: These times es les tres tough times on les parentes. I remembre une day when ma fille was en some kind de la training por la war, she posted on le book de la face,
"I have had it. I dropped my Fn' 110 poundez pack de ma back et I am not going to pickez et up."
Le Club: What???
Clementine: Oui. I was en les hysterics at ma mason. I could not call her. There was nothing I could do so I yellezed at ma computer,
"What?" Mais, it all workezed out. She fini le training et she graduated et she marchezed en les circles en le parade. Vous will see Louisa. Christophe will be fine.
Moi: What kind de les stuffs happenezed to vous when vous were at le boot de la camp?
Clementine: Une time l'instructor de les drills came ento mes barracks. He openezed up ma lockere et trois empty shoes de les boxes fell out et landed on le floor. He said to moi, "Recruite Clementine, what en le hell es this?" I whispered, "Empty shoes de les boxes, sir." He said, "Porquoi, es there empty shoes de les boxes en votre locker? What are vous planning to do avec them?" I squeakezed out, "Je ne sais pas, sir." He yellezed, "
VOUS NE SAIS PAS??" I whimpered, "Non, sir." He said, "Well, vous can crushez up all de les cardboards on le entire base por une week. Then we will see if vous
EVER have any de les empty shoes de les boxes that vous don't have any plannez por, again."
Ma Mere: Mon Dieu! Do vous have any empty shoes de les boxes now?
Clementine: Oui. J'adore les empty shoes de les boxes. I can't helpez myself. They can come en tres handy.
Le Club: Hahahahahahahahahahaahhhhhhhhhhhhha
Moi: Louisa, Clementine still likes les empty shoes de les boxes! Everything es going to be okay.
Et then it was time por le Shake du Jour
Bartender du jour: Ma Mere
Numbre du jour: Quatre
Rules: Une dollar to play, cinq of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed.
1st Shaker: Ma Mere……………resulte…………Trois.
2nd Shaker: Ma Soeur…………resulte…….Deux.
3rd Shaker: Clementine………..resulte……..Une.
4th Shaker: Moi………..resulte……..Deux.
Alas, le pot es safe from Le Club de BS once again.
See vous all ce next week. Will Giselle noticez that her bottle de le Jagermeister es empty? I say non, parce que unlike Clementine, I do not keepez les empty things lying around.
