BS Club Minutes August 22, 2013

 

DANGER. WARNING. STOP. 

Date: Thursday August 22, 2013 Temps: 78 degrees Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez: Ma Mere, Ma Soeur,  Mon Amie Giselle, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi Hors d'oeuvres: Dip de la Taco sauce et Chips du les Tortillas

Officiale BS Business

Giselle:  Je suis sorry to say, I can not make it to le get together at la cottage on Saturday. Ma Soeur: Um... Giselle, le get together es on Friday. Giselle:  What? Ma Soeur:  We switched it to Friday, remembre?  Magdelina could not come on Saturday. Giselle:  So le get together es on Friday? Ma Soeur:  Oui. Giselle:  This es excellente news!!  I can come to la cottage on Friday!! Moi:  Giselle, vous do know that Friday es tomorrow, right?

BS Topics et conversations

I said, as I pointed to le spot under ma eye, "Look at this. I woke up le other matin avec une eye that was noir."  Ma soeur said, "What happened?"  I said, "Je ne sais pas.  It was just there et Sven said that he did not punch moi in ma sleep." Ma mere said, "Millie, vous are going to be just like moi.  I wake up all de la time avec les mysterious bruises."  Then Giselle said, "How many Club de BS meetings have there been all together?"  Ma mere said, "Oh, je ne sais pas.  They started so long ago, when Bridgette Luanne was une jeune fille.  She commenced taking une class por les dancers et I came over por to babysit les boys while Louisa took Bridgette Luanne to le grand city por her first lesson.  Then Millie stopped on her way home from work por to help moi avec le babysitting.  That was le beginning.  Le 'BS' used to stand por BabySitters."  I said, "We had to help les boys avec their homework et we had to feed them les suppers that Louisa had prepared."  Ma mere said, "It was only naturale por to have une or deux cocktails during all de la hard BS work."  I said, "Oui, et sometimes when Pierre came home from work to dismiss us, we did not go home."  Ma mere said, "Oui, sometimes we were still there when Louisa et Bridgette Luanne came home from le grand city."  I said, "Et sometimes we even spent le night." Ma soeur said, "Et then Bridgette Luanne quit le class de les dancers en le grand city."  I said, "We were devastated. We went to le mason de Louisa on le next Wednesday.  That es when we had our first officiale BS vote et it was unanimous.  We voted 'OUI' to continue to meet at le mason de Louisa on les Wednesdays."  Et then ma soeur said, "Mais après a few years I thought that perhaps we were not setting les best examples por mes children.  Mes children were becoming les teenagers et they knew e-x-a-c-t-l-y what we were up to.  That es when we decided to move la weekly BS meeting to la Tavern et that es when le second officiale vote de BS took place.  From that jour on le 'BS' stood por BS."  Giselle said, "So, how did le Club de BS Club end up ici?" I said, "When ma mere et mon pere moved to town et into this grand chateau we commenced to congregate at le condo."  Giselle said, "How many de les meetings do vous pense there have been après all de les years?" I said, "Oh Giselle, that es une lot du math por ma tete.  Vous know that I don't like les numbers."  Giselle said, "Don't vous work avec les numbers?"  I said, "That es beside la pointe."  Giselle said, "Maybe there es une BS calculator APP on ma neuvaux fancy phone du cell."  Ma mere said, "If there es, multiply 17 years by 50 weeks."  Giselle said, "There are 52 weeks en une year." Ma mere said, "To be precise, we have missed a couple meetings due to les holidays."  Giselle did her magique avec her BS APP Calculator.  We all waited avec breath that was baited.  Et finally she said, "Wow.  Holy Balles!  Sons de les bitches! 850! That es LOTs du BS!"  Et then I said, "Dammit to hell.  Ma phone es charging et I cannot take une photographe."  Ma soeur said, "Of what?"  Et I said, "Look, les Chats are being les naughty boys under le tableau de cafe. They are licking each other on les balles."  Ma mere said, "Millie!"

 [one_half]Then Giselle said, "Millie, vous know that amie de mon fil, Constantine?"  I said, "Oui."  Giselle said, "I can never recognize her.  She es like John Malkovich. Every time I see her she looks different."[/one_half]

[one_half_last][/one_half_last] Then le subject took a turn to all de les birthdays ce week.  "There es Claudette, Claudette's fille, Claudettes petite enfante, Claudette's fille's frere-en-law, Blaire et Jenny.  Et then ma soeur said, "Giselle, remembre when vous had une 50th birthday party de la surprise por votre husband. Et I said, "Mais he was 53 by the time vous had it parce que it took vous that long por to plan it?"  Giselle said, "Ummm Michael was 54."  Ma soeur said, "Votre poor famille .  They are never safe. There could be une surprise any de les jours por anything. I would not like that.  Vous would have to look bon all de la time, just en case ce jour es le jour." Giselle said, "Well, I wanted to make sure that all de les familles et all de les amies could make it to la soiree."  I said, "Well, I couldn't make it, et that did not stop vous."  Et Giselle said, "I didn't want him por to be 55. Everybody else could attendez. Even *BETTY was there." I said, "I am not surprised that *BETTY was there." Et then le Club de BS Membres learned en amazemente that le reason Giselle could not make it to la gathering at la cottage on le jour that le gathering was not happening, was parce que she had une date de la dinner et romance avec Michael.  She said, "We have une card de la gifte por Smokys."  "Oh," said ma soeur.  "That es  une bon restaurante."  "Oui," said ma mere.  "It es tres chicque.  That es la place that por la salade they give vous une wedge de la lettuce."  "WHAT?" said Giselle.  "I hate that.  Porquoi do I want to cut up ma own salade at ma own tableau?  That es not right."  Et then ma soeur said, "Giselle, how was church le last week?"  Giselle said, "It was excellente."  Ma soeur said, "Excellente?"  Giselle said, "Oui, le neuvaux priest es young et his mass es short."  Et then she said, "Excusez moi, I must use la room de la rest."

I went to see if Maxwelle Smarte was paying les bills.

Mais, non, he was just sitting on them.

Giselle came out de la room de la reste et she said, "I changed le paper de le toiletries even though there were trois sheets to go."  I said, "Are vous paying les papers de les toiletries en advance?"  She said, "That es not how it works por moi.  I will always have to change les rolles."

Et then it was time por le Shake du Jour

Bartender du jour:  Ma Mere Numbre du jour:  Une Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed. 1^st Shaker: Ma Mere……………resulte…………trois.  2^nd Shaker: Moi…………resulte…….deux.  3rd Shaker: Ma Soeur………..resulte……..QUATRE!!!  (Une noble shake ma soeur.) 4^th Shaker: Giselle………….resulte……….trois.

WHATEVER!  Time to go.

  [one_half]*Please refer to ma short story titled, BETTY AND MARLENE, under short stories, s'il vous plait.  [/one_half][one_half_last][/one_half_last]

Returnez vous ce next week?  Mais OUI!