BS Club June 26, 2013

Le Club no one wants to join.

Date: Wednesday: June 26, 2013 Temps: I'm no meteorologist but I would say it’s Hotter than SHIT..........and the humidity is above sea level.  Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez: Ma mere, Ma soeur,  Mon Amie Giselle, Mon Amie Claudette,  Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi Refrshementes:  Les pommes de chips, wine flovoured fromage et crackers Official BS Business: What?  Non official business du jour?  Yay, le official business section et closed. BS Topics et Conversations:  Ma soeur stuck les toes en ma face to show moi her pedicure. "Oh, I said.  I like la coloure.  Es it Strawberry Margeritta?"  "Non," she said.  We did not go to Bella.  Les coloures do not have les nommers at ce place.  Vous just pick out la coloure that vous want et give la bottle to la mademoiselle.  All de les mademoiselles are Asian, mais they are not Chinese, they are something else.  They speak that other language Chinese language."  I said, "Like what?  Japanese?"  "Non, not Japanese, vous idiot.  Vous know....."  Ma mere said, "Mandarin?"  "Oui, that es it" said ma soeur.  "All I could pense of was une orange."  Then I said, "So, vous can tell le difference between Chinese et Mandarin?"  She said, "Oui." Then I said, "Well, how was le funeral yesterday?  Tres sad?"  "Oh," she said, "There were beaucoup de les tears.  Et every time I looked at les grand daughters, I would need mon Kleenex.  Mais, vous know that famille.  They sent their mere off like non other.  They released les doves that are blanc ento la sky, et then les balloons went to les clouds.  Tessa es now free."  "Wow," said ma mere, "They let les birds loose?"  "Oui," said Louisa, "mais I heard un monsieur say that they were not really doves that are blanc, they were really pigeons that are blanc, et they will return to la home de la funeral."  "Wow," I said, "It es un bon thing that Giselle's mere was not there.  She would have had une attack de la heart if there were les birds flying around.  She hates les birds.  She hates anything avec les wings, even les butterflies"  Ma mere said, "Even les butterflies?  How could she hate les butterflies?"  I said, "Parce que they have wings et they fly."  Ma soeur said, "Et then après la funeral, there was une grande soiree at Le Pub Por Les Irish Peoples.  All de les mademoiselles wore la famous coloure du lipstick that Tessa wore when she was feeling bon."  Ma mere said, "What coloure was that?"  Ma soeur said, "It es une  deep rouge - pink coloure. Et mes amies celebrated la life du their mere long into la soir."  Just then Giselle came en le door.  "Bonjour," she said.  "Bonjour," we said.  "We are just parlezing about la funeral por Tessa.  They released les doves that are blanc ento le sky."  "What?  Oh, it es une bon thing that ma mere was not there.  She hates les birds.  She would have had une attack de la heart."  Et then we talked about Le Fest de la Summer.  Ma mere said, "Votre frères et soeur-en-laws went to see le Freres de le Avettes et I saw on le Book de la Face that votre nephew wrote, they killed."  Then I said, "There es une neuvaux enfante en la famille."  "What?  Who?" said ma mere.  Et then Giselle pulled out her phone du cell to show la photographe.  "It es ma niece's enfante."  Et Giselle passed la phone du cell around la room por all to see. Et then mon amie Claudette walked en la door.  "Bonjour," she said.  "Bonjour," said le Club de BS membres, et Claudette went to get her plastique por safety purposes glass por la wine.  Et then ma soeur was trying to remember la nommer de la hot sauce de la Asians.  "I pense it starts avec une 'S'.  "Oui, it does," I said.  I know it starts avec une S."  Et then Giselle said, "Claudette how was la vacation en le woods avec votre mere, et votre soeur et famille?"  Claudette said, "It was une difficulte vacation.  La rain came out de la sky la whole time we were there, so we were en la cabin por trois jours. It was ma mere, ma soeur, ma frère-en-law, ma niece, le chien, et moi."  I said to Claudette, "What did vous do la whole time?"  Et Claudette said, "Not une damn thing. We sat en le cabin et watched la rain."  Et then ma soeur said, "I pense la sauce has une C en la nommer."  Et then I said to Claudette, "When did vous arrivez home from votre vacation."  Claudette said, "On Saturday por to go to la wedding por Jean."  "Oh," I said, "I did not know he was getting married." "Oui," said Claudette, "La receptionne was outside under une tente et there were warnings por les tornadoes, mais everyone just kept on dancing en la wind et la rain."  Et then Louisa said, "I pense there could be une A en that nommer de la sauce."  So I sat real still por not to lose ma signal por ma phone du cell et I called Sven.  "Bonjour," he answered.  "Sven," I said.  "Would vous look en le refrigerator et tell moi la nommer du la chaud sauce de la Asians, s'il vous plait?" Sven said, "That es porquois vous called?" "Oui."  Sven said, "Es this some sort de official BS business?" "Oui."  He said, "Here it es.  It es called Sriracha."  I said, "Could vous spell that, s'il vous plait?"  Et then Sven spelled le nommer de la sauce. "S-R-I-R-A-C-H-A."  I said, "Merci," et ended mon call du cell.  "Louisa, it es called Sriracha," I said.  "Non," she said.  "I don't pense that es le nommer."  I said, "Es it la orange coloured sauce en une bottle that es this tall et has la pointy green spout en le end?"  "Oui," she said.  I said,"Well, then that es it." She said, "How do vous spell that?"  So I spelled it et she said, "Well that must be le nommer, mais it does not seem right."  Et then Claudette talked about la burn mark on le top de her counter from when she set la chaud pan on it.  "It left a burn hole le same size de la pan. I don't know how we can sell our mason avec that burn hole on le counter.  We might have to hire Sven por to fix it." Et then Louisa said, "How do vous pronounce that word, S-R-I-R-A-C-H-A?" [one_half][/one_half]       [one_half_last]

Then for several minutes Le Club de BS Membres tried to pronounce le word S-R-I-R-A-C-H-A en une Francais-Mandarin kind de la way.

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Et then it was time for Le Shake du Jour

This es le part where I got all pissy about les rules por le shake. I was voted off le island et Morrie Amsterdam went to hide en his tunnel.

Bartender du jour:  Ma Soeur

Numbre du jour:  Trois Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed. 1^st Shaker: Ma Soeur……………resulte…………quatre.  2^nd Shaker: Ma Mere…………resulte…….une.  3rd Shaker: Claudette………..resulte……..deux. 4^th Shaker: Moi………….resulte……….deux. 5th Shaker:  Giselle...........resulte............une.

Returnez vous ce next week.  Vous will not want to miss Le Club that nobody wants to join, et I promise, I won't get all pissy ce next time.