Do not open your eyes until you are done reading this post.
Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere - Le Condo
Les Temps: 77 Degrees
Attendez: Ma mere, Ma soeur, Mon Amie Giselle, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi
Refreshmentes: Port et wine flavored fromage de la cheddar et crackers
Official BS Business: Plans were finalized por le up coming weekend. On Friday, ma soeur will pick up ma mere at noon, then moi at noon fifteen, then ma taunte (although she thinks I am her taunte) Susie L Que at une thirty et then we will drive por many les heurs to finally arrivez at le finale destination en Townsend at Chez Victoria where mes cousins will join us por une wilde et crazy weekend soiree avec all de les mademoiselles.
BS Topics et conversations: The first thing I had to do was show Le Club de BS Membres la hole en le back de ma bushe where la dentist pulled out deux de mes teethes so that he can make some tres expensive plastique teethes to put back en there. "Wow, does it hurt?" "Non. It just feels creepy." "Does votre tongue go there all de la time?" "Non, not too much. It freaks moi out so it stays away." Then they said, "Smile. Let us see if we can see les missing teethes." So I smiled et they said, "Smile bigger. Non, smile bigger than that. Okay now laugh. Now laugh real hard, like we just tricked Giselle. So I followed all de les instructions. Ma mere said, "Non, I can not see la hole." Ma soeur said, "I can only see la hole if vous laugh real hard." Then ma soeur said, "Hey what does our cousin, Monsieur LeMaie do por une living?" I said, "Je ne sais pas." Ma mere said, "He has been working por une company ever since he graduated from l'ecole du high, mais I don't remember what it is." I said, "Je pense it is at une warehouse or une grand factory. I remember when he broke his foote while dancing at his own receptionne de la matrimony, he needed his feetes por to work." Ma mere said, "Oui, et they gave him une job at une desk until his foote was better." Ma soeur said, "Ce matin I received une texte from Laurelle. She is staying at la cottage. She asked moi, if Pierre was from back his trip de la golf. I said, non, Pierre will not be home until ce soir. Et then she said, Well I pense that someone has been en la cottage. So I sent une text to mon fil et I said, have vous been to la cottage? Et he said, oui, I was looking por ma suite de la swim. Apres that I got une text from our frère, Pittiere et he asked if it would be okay por our nephews to go to la cottage et swim. I wrote back et said, oui, mais Laurelle es staying at la cottage. So I sent une text to Laurelle et said, mes nephews are coming out to swim. She wrote back et said, okay, mais I am out on le lake en une boat et there are deux chiens inside la cottage. So I sent une text to mon frère et told him about les chiens inside de la cottage et he said, is that une problem? So I sent une text to Laurelle et she said, non it es non problem. Une es en une crate et le other es tres ancient. So I sent le text back to Pittiere et said, it es non problem." Then I added to Louisa's story, "Ce matin, I got une text. It was from Shirley et she said, would it be okay por moi et mon fil et mes petite enfantes to go to la cottage et fish por les poisons? Et I wrote back et said, oui that es fine, mais, Laurelle es staying at la cottage. I did not know about les chiens inside la cottage or that mes nephews were going there por to swim. It sounds to moi like la cottage was une grand fuck de la clustere."
Et then I said, "Louisa, I like votre neuvaux hair cut." Et she said, "I don't like les bangs. I need les bangs to be more feathered." Et then ma mere said, "Well vous can go back et ask her to feather les bangs." Et Louisa said, "I know." Et then Giselle arrivez avec une neuvaux bottle de la jager. "Yay Giselle!" Giselle said, "Bonjour, I am sorry that I am late." Et we said, "That es okay, we are not playing any tricks on vous, so vous have not spoiled anything. How es votre plante de les sticks doing?" Et she said, "Ma plante de les sticks ets tres bon. I am leaving les taped on fleurs alone parce que it es so cute avec les fleurs." Et then I told le story about how sexy Sven es. "First he cleaned out la garage. Et then le other jour he cleaned out his shop de la work. Yesterday he made une grand box por to plante les free tomato plants en. Apres that he ordered les stones por ce weekend por to put by le pit de la fire at la cottage. Mais, do vous know what la most sexy part es?" "Non," said Le Club de BS Membres. "What did he say?" "He said that if he has une or deux weeks de la work that are slow, he will have le crew fix up our mason, with neuvaux windows on ce front, et they will replace les rotten boards on le deck et they will stain la mason et la garage! Et all de la dirty talk about fixing up ma mason es making moi tres horny." Giselle said, "Oh, whatever." Et then Giselle told about her neuvaux tablet. "It es tres cool. I will now do ma proofing on la tablet et I will circle les words et les errors de la grammers right there. Et do vous know what la sales monsieur told moi in une whisper?" "What?" said Le Club de BS membres. "He said, just before la warranty es up that I should spill something on it por to get une neuvaux tablet." Then I said, "That es dishonest et vous don't need to buy les warranties anyway. When I had ma computer fixed, le sales monsieur had moi purchase une warranty parce que I didn't have une waranty. He used le neuvaux warranty por to fix it, et now it es under warranty por une year." Then Giselle said, "Well, I spilled la Jagermeister on mon camera awhile ago. Vous know la parte that opens up por to take une photographe?" We said, "Oui." She said, "I have to pull that part open et I then have to close it when I am fini. I don't have une warranty on mon camera." Then ma soeur said, "I saw on la televisionne that les babies know how to swipe les fingers to turn les pages, mais if vous give une baby une book that es paper la baby will try to swipe la paper book." Ma mere said, "I just learned how to do that swiping thing." Et then she showed us how to swipe. I said, "Remember when C.J. didn't know how to dial on le old kind de la telephone?" Et ma mere said, "Oui, et remembre when there were lines de les parties?" Giselle said, "Once when I was tres jeune, I picked up la phone to hear le sound de la buzz et there were les peoples talking." Ma mere said, "Les lines de la parties were just like le N.S.A." Et Giselle said, "Le what?" Et I said, "Only vous could only spy on les neighbors." Et then Giselle said to Louisa, "Louisa, do vous know where Le Falls de la Bonne es? " Et ma soeur said, "Non." Et Giselle said, "I don't either." Et then ma mere et moi looked at each other parce que that tickled our bones that are funny et we laughed et we laughed la kind du la laugh that I pense made that hole en le back de ma bushe stick out. Et then ma soeur said, "Ce matin, I got une text from mon boss. It said, Um Louisa, vous forgot to put les towels de la papere en mon room de la rest." I said, "Well he texted le wrong person. He should have texted Giselle." Et Giselle said, "Non! Je suis sick et tired de changing all de les paperes" Et then I said, "I heard that what ever kind de la person vous are when vous are jeune, vous will be more et more like that when vous are old." Et Giselle said, "Does that mean that I will hate les tulips even more than I do now?" Et I said, "It will be very dangerous por vous to be around les tulips en a few more years."
And then I twas time por Le Shake du Jour
Bartender: Moi
Numbre du jour: Deux
Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming is allowed.
1st Shaker: Ma Soeur……………resulte…………deux.
2nd Shaker: Ma Mere…………resulte…….deux.
3rd Shaker: Giselle.............resulte..........une.
4th Shaker: Moi………..resulte……..four. OMD!!!! Just une dot off!!
Giselle said, "It es okay. Louisa won le pot le last weekend. It es non longer une grand pot. It es only half full."
Now vous may open les eyes.
Be sure to come back ce next week so vous do not miss anything importante.
