Millie Noe's agent. Millie Noe's book. And Millie Noe.
"I have to say, I think that it is easier to write than it is to print," Millie stated, during an interview with channel 666, at a holiday party, over the weekend. "I mean, trying to get the printer to co-operate is almost a full time job. And boy, does that colored ink ever disappear fast," she went on to say.
Channel 666: You printed the books yourself?
Millie: Yes. I am self published. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Channel 666: Of course not. How many books did you print?
Millie: Seven.
Channel 666: Seven?
Millie: That was my contract. Did you know that I could have taken one copy over to Insty Prints or Office Max and they would have made all seven books for me, right there, in a few minutes?
Channel 666: Well, I have heard that they do print.
Millie: Yeah. Giselle told me about it this morning, at a soccer game. I could have spit when I heard it because I was almost done with all of them. But, it seems like cheating to me. Is it still self publishing if you have somebody else do all of the work?
Channel 666: I think it qualifies.
Millie: I sure hope so, because now my other aunt wants me to print five more.
Channel 666: Your other aunt?
Millie: Yes, my agent Victoria, is my aunt. And, my other aunt, Susie Le Q, is at this party too, somewhere.
Channel 666: Are you are planning to print the next batch of five, all on your own? Or will you take it someplace and have it done?
Millie: Oh jeez. I am taking it someplace. My house is a disaster. It is almost impossible to get anything done when your printer is shooting papers onto your floor, left and right, your dog is barking and the phone is ringing. Plus, you have to hang around and keep on feeding it. It's hard to even get the vacuum cleaner out. And damn it to hell, I hate it when I forget to tell it to print on both sides of the page. But, at least I know what I am getting Sven for Christmas.
Channel 666: Oh?
Millie: A new three hole puncher. That mother that he has is going in the trash.
Channel 666: Well, congratulations to you Millie, on your success. This indeed, must be a very special day.
Millie: Oh, thank you. It is special all right. Next to Ground Hog Day, this is the best. To think that I waited fifty-eight years for this moment to arrive. I actually thought it might never happen for me. And now, in just one day my sales have almost doubled.
Channel 666: They have?
Millie: Yes. I told you, my other aunt ordered five.
Channel 666: Oh. That is amazing. Doubling your business in size in one day is a lot for any company.
Millie: I know. Is it still considered, double in sales, if you don't charge anything?
Channel 666: You don't charge anything?
Millie: Oh, God, no. Not to my family. And my aunt Susie le Q has a hard enough time, what with her feet being on backwards and all.
Channel 666: Where is this aunt of yours?
Millie: She's right over there.
Channel 666: Oh my goodness. Is that why she is in a wheel chair?
Millie: No. She's fine. She can walk. She's just sitting there because my Mom isn't and Max took over the walker and we are short on chairs.
Channel 666: Okay. Well, I think that about wraps things up.
Millie: Thank you so much for stopping by and giving me this big interview and all, but I should really get back to the Christmas party.
Channel 666: Millie, do you people know that it is October?
Millie: Is it?
Channel 666: This is channel 666 signing off.
