Memorial Weekend can be such a busy time, what with all the cookouts, parades and boat rides. This can make it difficult to find the right moment to stop and put in your garden.
Like many married couples Sven and I don't always agree on everything. Sven prefers to plant his seeds on Friday evenings. I prefer to fool around all weekend long, morning, noon and night. But in order to keep the peace we have learned to compromise. So, this time I dutifully follow Sven’s lead and we do it on Friday night.
Seriously folks, try to stay focused.
1) The most important tip today is:
SAFETY FIRST. All of the digging, chopping and raking out the bad to bring in the good can be a lot of hard work. This is why it is extremely important to stay hydrated.
2) If you have a dog that is slightly CRAZY it might be a good idea to take him for a walk and keep your fingers crossed that he gets caught up in a rabbit chase that ends up with the rabbit hiding under that old lead paint, peeling, play house. This way he will be preoccupied while you are digging. Your digging in the garden will only confuse him and give him the impression that it is okay for him to do dig in the garden too.
3) Once your dog is out of sight and your husband begins to chop up the hard, root infested ground, pretend that you are off looking for a shovel, so that you can help out.
4) Subliminal messages are a must. This is why it is important to put marigolds around the borders of your garden and strategically place them on your deck. Without uttering a word those marigolds will clearly state that you are trying to keep critters away because you have had a problem with them eating up all of your stuff in the past. If the picture below doesn't scream, stay the 'F' away from this prize winning tomato plant, then you don't know how to read subliminal messages.
5) Be sure to plant a pretty flowering plant in your garden that is already in bloom and snap a picture of it as soon as you slip it in the ground. Keep this handy in your cell phone so that you can pull up a picture of your clematis if anyone ever starts talking about their flower.
6) Try to plant different fruits or vegetables every season and then say things like, “Sven and I thought we'd try beets this year.” This will leave the impression that you have been successful with perhaps zucchini, green peppers and watermelon but you’ve simply grown tired of them. It's also good to plant things that no one has heard of, like kohlrabi. It makes you sound educated and most people won't want to sound like they are not.
7) Water, water and water your garden after your planting is complete. Remember your garden needs hydration just as much as you do. If your soil is a bit anemic this moisture will make it look momentarily black, healthy and rich for your photos. Never snap a picture unless your garden has just been watered.
8) Since your husband has been well hydrated along with the garden and is in a very good mood this would be the perfect time to randomly suggest raking the leaves out of your garage because you haven’t shut the doors since 1998 and they have really been accumulating in there.
9) As long as your husband is already happily raking out the garage this would also be a good time to suggest hauling some of that shit that has been lined against the walls in there for decades over to the dumpster. Beware: The art of hydration is extremely delicate. Too little or too much can cause your entire project to fall apart and end abruptly.
10) Since you now have nicely dried out garage leaves and have carried them over to fire pit and you also have a slimy dog that apparently gave up on the rabbit and decided to go for a swim in paradise pond, this would be a good time to quit watering the garden and hose down the dog instead. After that, tie him up with something good to chew on so that he dries off and will someday be allowed back into the house. This will also give you and your husband time to sit back, relax and finish off the remainder of your gardening beverages. Never waste your gardening beverages.
And once again, Mille and Sven hooked up their hose and did it.
