BS Club Minutes October 2, 2013

 

  BS Club - Strictly for French drinking idiots.

Officiale BS Business:

Ma Mere sounded une warning about le approaching drawing de les nommers por le Christmas gift exchange.  "Before ce next week, check avec votre familles to see who will be ici por Christmas so we can put all de les nommers into le chapeau."

BS Conversations:

Moi: Claudettee!!!  What are vous doing ici?  Did vous get fired again??? Claudette:  Mais non!  Le nurse had une migraine de le tete et let us out early. Ma Mere:  Tell them about le battery en votre automobile that was morte. BS Club:  Non! Claudette:   I left ma lights on parce que ma dinger was morte. Ma Soeur:   Es she talking about Francois? BS Club:  Hahahahahahahaha Ma Mere:  Tell them about votre tire that was flat on Monday. BS Club:  Non! Claudette: Oh Mon Dieu, it was horrible.  I was on ma way to work et une automobile on le state de le inter pulled up next to moi.  Le monsieur was pointing at ma tire.  His lips said, votre tire es flat.  So I got off et drove to le first station de le gas.  I  went inside et le monsieur that es Hindu was parlezing on le telephone.  Finally I yelled at him to get le hell off de le telephone et to come outside to help moi. BS Club: OH MY. Moi: Are vous still angry avec les peoples  du Hindu just parce que votre fils yelled at vous por parlezing to them on le telephone about votre computer? Claudette: Non.  I was mad parce que I needed help avec ma tire et he just kept on ah blabbing et ah blabbing on his telephone. Ma Soeur: Couldn't vous feel votre car wobbling? Claudette: Non. Ma automobile has loose joints de les balles.  So it goes like this (she demonstrated). Ma Soeur: What goes like this? Claudette:  Ma automobile goes like this all de la time. Moi:  Did le monsieur du Hindu change votre tire por vous? Claudette:  Non.  He put le air en it et then he said "Get en!  Vite, Get en! Go! Go!" Moi:  So, it didn't need to be changed? Claudette: I was driving as vite as I could to ma job before all de la air leaked out. Mais on le way, I got a hold du Francois.  He said, "Don't worry Claudette, I am on ma way.  I will switch les automobiles."  By le way, did vous know that there es not only les petite joints de les balles, mais there es also les grande joints de les balles? Club de BS: Non! Ma Soeur:  Are vous parlezing about Francois? Club de BS: Hahahahahahhahah Claudette:  Or maybe it es bearings de les balles.  Je ne sais pas.  I have had beaucoup de les conversationnes about les balles du late. Ma Mere:  Porquoi did Francois change les automobiles instead de la tire? Moi:  They probably only have une petite tire de la spare. Claudette:  Non!  We have une grande une! Ma Soeur:  Es she parlezing about Francois? BS Club: Hahahahahhaheeheheehahahaha Et then Giselle walked en le door et said,  Claudette!!! what are vous doing ici???  Did vous get fired again??? Claudette:  Non.  I did not get fired. Ma Mere:  Bonjour Giselle. What excitemente news do vous have por us du jour? Giselle:  Um, well, I got some boxes ready por to take to Le Will that es Bon.  Does anyone need les cushions that vous tie onto votre chairs? All de les membres shook les tetes. Giselle:  I wouldn't advise taking them anyway.

Then  I went to see what Maxwelle Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam were doing.  Nothing.

When I returnez to le kitchen Le Club was parlezing about les wreaths de les Holidays.

Ma Mere:  I don't have any place por to hang une. Giselle:  I ordered une ce year that es adorned avec le paraphernalia de le Bears du Chicago. BS Club:  Boo!!!!!!!!!!  Giselle:  I told mon husbandl that we can not keep ce wreath on top de le automobile this year. Moi:  Es that where vous usually keep it? Giselle: Le last year we did not get around to hanging it up. Moi:  So vous kept it on top du votre automobile? Giselle: Oui, mais we can not do that again. Ma Mere: Porquoi? Giselle:  Mon fil es done fixing le automobile. Et then Clementine walked en le door et said, "Claudette!!!  What are vous doing ici???  Did vous get fired already??  Claudette:  Non!  I did not get fired. Et then le discussion switched over to les germs. Claudette:  I had une ache de ma stomache le last week.  I got it right après having deux Marys that were Bloody.  I don't pense they make a lot de les Marys that are Bloodyat JJ's et Ie pickle was icky. Giselle:  Did vous tell them?  Maybe le mix was mauvais. Claudette:  Non.  I think it was le pickle. Le first une was limp. It looked like this. (She demonstrated avec her finger.) Mais le second une was straight up et hard. Ma Soeur:  Is she talking about Francois again? BS Club: Hahahahahah Bon une!  Hahahahaha. Claudette:  I would worry more about all de les germs on les hands de les bartenders après touching all de les monies then about les pickles or les mixes. Giselle:  I pense les germs are bon por vous.  They help por to build up le resistance. Claudette:  There es non resistance  por la ecoli. Moi:  Mmmmm, these grapes are tres delicious. Claudette:  I like le grapes de les concords ce best.  Les skins are tough et sour mais enside they are tres soft et sweet. Ma Souer:  Stop parlezing about Francois all de la time. BS Club: Hahahahahaha Et then, I am not sure porquoi, mais, Giselle was busy looking up on her phone du cell, le word cockswain. Giselle:  A cockswain es le personne responsible por le navigation de une boat. BS Club:  Oh.  We know beaucoup de les cockswains. Et then on le news there was une terrible accidente involving une bus.  This changed le conversation over to bus talk. Moi:  Remembre en Mexico when we got on le bus to go to Tulum et it started backing up on le highway et we were all screaming like we were all going to die? Ma Mere:  Oui.  Et then we went to le next resorte por to pick up some more passengers et le bus backed on le highway again et then les neuvaux peoples started screaming like they were all going to die. Claudette: Back en les seventies we were en une trip to les Bahamas avec mes parents' store de les groceries vendor.  We we were all seated on le bus. All de la sudden le bus pulled over et le monsieur said, "Get out, get out."  So we all got out et  stood on le side de la rue et le bus drove away.  Et then about ten minutes later another bus stopped.  Le driver said, "Get en.  Get en."  So we all got en.  Et this was just après they just finished telling us never to get en une bus unless we knew where it es going. Next we parlezed about Amanda Knox.  We were all en agreemente that she should not go back to Italy if she wanted to live. Then Claudette told about her wilde past avec une officer de la police.  Claudette has une history du bitching this particular monsieur out.  "Well le first time was when I had ma whole car full de les groceries et I was trying to get home por to put them away before le parade commenced.  He pulled moi over et said that I was traveling at 45 mph right past le Restaurante du Lucy's.  I didn't believe him, mais I told him to hurry up parce que ma cream de la ice was melting.  Le next jour I went to le corner de le quartes et I gunned ma automobile as vite as I could et I could not get it up to 45 mph by le time I got to le Restaurante du Lucy's.  I tried it trois times.  Then I went to le station du les polices et I told him that.  He said, "Are vous crazy?  I should give vous another ticket right now."  I said, "Are vous crazy?  I'm telling vous, I could not get ma automobile to go that vite et vous need to take away ma ticket."  He said, "Fine, if vous go to le court I will relinquish votre ticket."  I said, "What?  I have to take une jour off du ma work?"  He said, "Oui.  That es le only way."  Et then she told another story about le same monsieur.  "Vous see, mon fil was at le park et he borrowed le bicycle du his ami.  His ami went home without his bicycle et his mere called la police. Then that wad de le dick came to ma mason pounding on ma door.  He said that he heard that mon fil stole la bicycle.  Ma fil said, "mais non.  I just borrowed la bicycle et I took it back to la park.  Mais then some de les big kids took it et they threw it ento le hole that es en le creek et now it es way down at le bottom."  So I told le monsieur de la police that he needed to get une crane to pull it out du there. He said, "Are vous crazy?"  Et I said, "Well how else are we going to get it out de le drink?"

Et then it was time por le Shake du Jour.

Bartender du jour:  Ma Soeur

Numbre du jour: 2

Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed.

1^st Shaker: Claudette……………resulte…………2. 2^nd Shaker: Ma Mere…………resulte…….3.  3rd Shaker: Giselle………..resulte……..4.  OMD!!!!! 4^th Shaker: Moi………….resulte……….1.  For le love de mon Dieu. 5th Shaker: Ma Soeur………….resulte……….2.  6th Shaker: Clementine………….resulte……….2.  Les wheels on le bus go rounde et rounde, rounde et rounde, rounde et rounde. Les wheels on le bus go rounde et rounde -all-  jour - long.

Come back ce next week so that I can replace ce bus song that has been stuck en votre tete avec 'Voulez vous coucher avec moi.'  Vous will LOVE it!