BS Club Minutes September 25, 2013

WARNING!  DON'T GO BEYOND THIS POINT.  WARNING! DON'T GO BEYOND THIS POINT.

BS Officiale Business

Moi:  Ma Mere, here es votre opener du le garage.  Remembre, vous left it en ma automobile on ce weekend? Ma Mere:  Oui.  Merci beaucoup.

BS Conversationnes

Ma Soeur:  Did vous drive through la mess on le Rue du Main yesterday? Moi:  What le hell was that? Ma Soeur:  Shit.  It came out de une truck.  Vous know, it was le kind avec les wastes that they spray on les fields.  Une de les farmers drove all de la way through town avec le cap off ce tank.  Les workers de la city were cleaning it up all de le way till nine P.M.  Et I heard that le farmer has to pay por all de le clean up. Moi:  It was disgusting!  I rolled up mes windows et held ma nose  et I was still gagging. Ma Mere:  I was en town yesterday et I did not smell anything. Ma Soeur:  Vous were there too early ma mere.  It happened at 3:30. Claudette:  Guess what? I got some pills en le mail to make ma waist skinny. Ma Mere:  What? Claudette:  They came all de la way from South Africa.  Le doctor on le televisionne said les fats around les waists es tres unhealthy.  He said ce pill es safe por to take. Ma mere picked up some skin et said. "Like this kind du le fat?" Claudette said, "Non, that es le skin." Clementine:  Louisa, when does votre fil go off to les marines again? Louisa:  On Decembre le nine. Clementine:  At le graduation de le camp de les boots, he will be une grown up monsieur.  Vous will be so proud et won't even know him. Ma Soeur:  Mais, I like him just le way he is. Et then there was une grande hug de la group et Louisa wiped away les tears. Giselle:  Excusee moi, Clementine.  I have to ask vous something.  Le last time vous were ici, vous parlezed on about le smudging de le room. Clementine:  Oui. Giselle:  Vous are making moi nervous.  I have le asthma et I don't pense I should be around all de that smoke. What exactemente es that et what does it do? Clementine:  I would not smudge une room unless vous asked. Giselle:  Mais, what does le smoke do? Clementine:  It cleans all de les mauvais things out de le air.  Do vous want moi to smudge une room por vous? Giselle:  Non. Claudette:  Wow.  Ma wine es tres delicious ce soir. Giselle:  I only drink la wine when I play les dartes. BS Club:  Porquoi? Giselle:  La wine goes straight to ma tete when I stand up so I stand up when I drink it so that I never have to get up et let le wine go to ma tete. Clementine:  I finally got une televisionne por mon apartemente.  It pulls en trois stationnes.  Mais, that es okay.  I don't watch much de la TV.  I don't need all de those millions de les stationnes.  I have une pair de les ears de les rabbits on le top por to get ma receptionne.  Mais, c'est domage, I cannot get le stationne de l'educationne avec ma favourite show, Downton Abbey. Ma Mere:  Oh, j'adore that show. Clementine: Perfectemente.  Perhaps I will join vous to watch it sometime. Ma Mere: Oui.  Et maybe vous should add aluminum to les ears de les rabbits et perhaps vous could get another channel. Moi:  We have une de those grande antenas en our attic.  Perhaps Sven could attach it to le roof de votre building de l'apartemente. Then Giselle gave moi une de her looks. Claudette:  There es some bon shows that I like por to watch lately.   'Les girls that es broke.'  Oh, et I like that neuvaux show.............'Le List that es Noir,' starring James de le Spader. Moi: I like to watch James de le Spader. Et then Claudette went on to explain une show that she watched where there was all kinds de les stabbings et she was acting it out like she had une knife en her hand et ma mere's eyes were grand et she was shrinking away from Giselle et her imaginary knife. I said to Clementine, "I don't believe vous will be able to watch that show at le mason de ma mere. Ma Soeur:  Claudette, have vous had any showings por to sell your mason, du late? Claudette: Non.  Je pense it es parce que mon husband keeps sticking les wheels de les pins all over le yard.  It looks like une circus. Moi:  Porquoi? Claudette:  Les wheels de les pins make les moles go away. Giselle:  Moles don't care por les wheels de les pins? Claudette: They don't care por les circuses. Ma Mere:  Well then they must have une grande problem avec les moles at le store de les groceries. Le Club de BS stopped por une momente to get une visual de le Wiggly de la Piggly avec all de les wheels de les pins en front de le store. Giselle:  I was at le Store de Menards le other jour. J'adore  that place.  While I was there I bought une de those tres cool ornamentes por ma yard. I brought it home et stuck it en le ground. Club de BS: Et? Giselle: It looked  stupid. Moi:  Which side de le yard did vous stick it en? Giselle: Both. I bought une por le front et une por le back et they both looked stupid.  They don't look stupid en les other peoples' yards, mais en ma yard?  STUPID. Then I don't know how mais le conversationne changed to Chicago. Giselle:  Une soir ma soeur et moi took une wrong turn et ended up en Cabrini that es Green. BS Club: Oh non!  What did vous do? Giselle:  We did not even know that it was une place full de les dangerous peoples.  We were only les teenagers. Ma Soeur:  Vous probably thought, 'Oh look at that nice monsieur over there avec les chains that es gold et such une fancy chapeau et une coat avec le fur.  Let's ask him por les directions.' Club de BS:  Haa haahhh aaa. OMD, Giselle! Claudette:  When I was une teenager we used to drive through Cabrini that es Green on purpose. Giselle:  OMD! Porquoi would vous do such une thing? Claudette:  I pense  we were looking por les drugs. Et then le topic went straight to la matrimonies. Moi:  Hey, I just saw une mademoiselle go past votre window holding une leash avec un chien on le other end.  Es she le neuvaux neighbor's wife? Ma Mere:  Je ne sais pas.  I don't pense he has une wife.  Mais I did see une cage en his garage por un chien. Clementine:  Es that where he keeps his wife? Then we discovered that between all du us we have beaucoup years d'accumulationne de les matrimonies. Clementine hung her tete en shame et said, "I cannot play ce game since I am not married anymore." Le Club de BS said, "We are so sorry Clementine." Clementine: Not moi!  Ma life de la sex es excellente! BS Club: hahahaha  hehehehehe  Hey.  That es not so humourous.

Et then it was time por le Shake du Jour

Bartender du jour:  Ma Soeur

Numbre du jour:  6

Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming is allowed.

1^st Shaker: Ma Mere……………resulte…………tois. 2nd Shatker: Giselle…………..resulte…………deux.  3rd Shaker: MOI..…….resulte…………..deux.  4^th Shaker: Clementine………..resulte……..trois. 5^th Shaker: Claudette………..resulte……..une. 6^th Shaker: Ma Soeur………..resulte……..trois. Perhaps we should book une trip to Le Vegas that es Lost while our luck es running high. Bartender!  Please poor another round on moi.  It es ma turn to buy. 

See vous ce next week.  If vous went past le warning sign once vous will do it again.