Warning! Warning! Restricted Area! This shit is not por les feebles.
Meeting Place: Chez Le Mere – Le Condo
Temps: Le high temp du jour was 35 degrees et les tops de les trees were full de les crystals. It was une tres beau sight, mais all de les peoples are too pissed about le freezing fraud weather that must be coming straight out du hell, apparently on le jour that hell froze over, to notice le beauty.
Attendez: Ma mere, Ma soeur, Mon Amie Giselle,
Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi
Refreshmentes: Une neuvaux flavour du les Triscuits, Rice that is brown et beans that are rouges avec dip du Francais onion.
Official BS Business: Les detailes regarding le logistics por la Soiree du les Adultes on le upcoming soir du Saturday were made finale. Sven et moi will pick up ma mere por la soiree et ma soeur et her husband Pierre will meet us après shopping por une brande neuvaux couch. This news is tres excitemente por ma soeur parce que they gave their sofa to their fil une month ago et their room de la living is full de les chairs that do not matche.
BS Topics et conversations:
Ma Mere: "Louisa, has votre automobile been repaired yet?"
Ma Soeur: "They are still working on it at le shoppe at this exacte momente. That is porquoi I asked Millie to pick moi up to come here."
Moi: "What is broken on votre automobile?"
Ma Soeur: "All kinds de les things. They are going to repairemente les rods that tie, les bearings de les balles, et les breaks."
Moi: "Les bearings de les balles? Oh c'est domage. That will be une tres expensivement bill, ma soeur!"
Ma Soeur: "Non shit. Ce matin I called le shoppe et I scheduled une appointemente por les repairs. Then I took le automobile into le shoppe. Et then I signed all de les papers to repair all de les parts on le automobile. Et then those bastardes at le shoppe called Pierre on his phone du cell to tell him le finale bill."
Moi: "Porquoui?"
Ma Soeur: "Je ne sais pas, porquois, mais, I forgot to tell pierre that I was taking le automobile into le shoppe et he is working out de la towne. So then Pierre called moi et he said, Louisa, vous could have told moi vous were fixing le automobile."
Ma Mere: "Porquoi didn't vous tell votre husband that vous were fixing le automobile?"
Ma Soeur: "I forgot. Mais, porquoi do les messieurs at le shoppe need to call mon husband? I signed all de les papers."
Moi: "Since they called Pierre, Pierre should pay le bill."
Et then we discussed le office de la dentiste, parce que it was ma mere's first time at le local office por her teethes to be cleaned et I went there to have mon crown that fell out du mon bushe glued back en. Ma mere began, "J'adore ma neuvaux dentiste. Et they were all tres nice to moi at l'office. Et la dentiste said that mes teethes are en tres bon shape. Et le lady behind le window said it was okay that I forgot mon card de les insurances. Et she said that I can just give her une call at mon leisure. Can vous believe that? Tres relaxed office de la dentiste. How was votre appointemente Millie? Did vous get votre crown glued back into votre bushe?" I said, "Non." Et le Club de BS said, "Non?" Et I said,"Non. There are beaucoup de les problems avec la crown et avec la toothe. Now I have to visit une surgeon de les orales." Ma mere said, "Oh c'est domage." I said, "Oui. C'est domage. All en une week, mon computer took une grand crapper, mon screen on mon phone du cell went noir on moi et now mon dentiste is parlezing on about les snap on teethes or les emplantes et that crown is back en mon purse et not back en mon bushe! Et where is Giselle? I pense I could use un peur de la jager to change mon attitude." Ma mere said, "Oui. Where is Giselle? I thought she was coming du jour. " Ma soeur said, "She is coming après le monsieur de les insurances leaves her mason." Then I said, "I told Giselle not to ask le monsieur de les insurances any questions et to just sign all de les papers. She should be here soon." Ma mere said, "I was parlezing avec ma soeur, Susie le Que on mon phone et she said that her electricity has been out all de la jour. Mais then she told moi that she was on le club de la Facebook. How could she be on le Club de la Facebook if her electricity went out?" Ma soeur said, "On her phone du cell, ma mere." "Oh," said ma mere. I thought perhaps on her phone du cell, mais I forgot to ask Susie le Que. I hate les computers!" Et then Giselle arrivez et I said, "Giselle, yay! Did vous bring some de la Jagermeister avec vous?" Et Giselle said, "Mais non. I only had un peur at mon mason parce que I have been drinking it at chez moi. Why do vous ask? Don't we have une supply ici?" I said, "Un petite peur." Et I got up et poured us une petite shot de la jager. "That is all there is mon amie. There has been une cloud de noir following moi around ce week." Ma mere said, "Giselle, porquoi did vous have une meeting avec le monsieur de les insurances on une Wednesday? Don't vous know, non monsieurs de les insurances on Wednesday?" Et Giselle said, "Is that like, Never on Sunday?" Ma mere said, "Or, Any Wednesday." Et Giselle said, "Avec John Lennon?" Et I said, "John Lennon?" Et Giselle said, "Non, Jack Lemon." Et ma mere said, "That is what she said, "Jack Lemon." Et ma soeur said, "Oui, she said Jack Lemon." Et Giselle said, "Non I said John Lennon, mais I meant to say Jack Lemon." [one_half] Et then I said, "Giselle, did vous hear Claudette say that there are fake robins le last weekend?" Et Giselle spit out le petite sip de la jager et said, "What?" Et ma soeur said, "Vous were there Giselle. Didn't vous hear her say that she heard that when peoples see les robins tres early en le season that those are not les real robins et those are les fake robins?" I said, "Giselle do vous pense there are les fake robins?" "Non." I said, "If there were fake robins would that mean that there would be fake finches et fake cardinals?" Giselle said. "There are non fake any de les birds. Les birds are les birds. That is all." I said, "What about fake sparrows? Non, non bird would pretend to be une sparrow." Et then ma soeur told une story about ce matin. "I lost mon keys por work. I looked everywhere en mon mason. Et that is tres, tres mauvais to lose les keys. If vous lose les keys they have to replace all de les lockes on all de les doors at l'ecole." BS Club said, "What did vous do?" Ma soeur said, "Apres looking et looking et looking I looked in mon purse une more time et voila, there they were all le way down at le bottom. I was so tres happy. It felt like I won le lottery!" Just then
Maxwell Smarte brought up his tattered cube from le basement et pranced around to all de les praises.[/one_half]
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And then it was time por le Shake du Jour
Bartender du jour: Ma Mere
Numbre du jour: 2
Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming de la land is allowed.
1st Shaker: Ma Mere……………resulte…………deux deuxes.
2nd Shaker: Ma soeur…………resulte…………deux deuxes.
3rd Shaker: Giselle………..resulte…………trois deuxes.
4th Shaker: Moi………….resulte……….une deux. (Like I said, une cloud de noir is following moi around ce week.)
Moi: "Giselle, vous have won le grand prize du jour avec trois de les deuxes, mais c'est domage, je suis sorry to reporte there is non more jager por votre celebration."
Giselle: "Mais, I wanted to win le grande pot!"
Moi: "Le Pot is no longer grand."
Giselle: "What do vous mean le pot is no longer grand? Who won le grand pot?"
Moi: "Ma mere! Ma mere won le grand pot on le last soir du Friday. We came to le condo por une fry de les poissons. I sent vous une text, Giselle."
Giselle: "I saw votre text. I sent une text back to vous."
Moi: "Vous did?"
Giselle: "Oui."
Moi: "What did vous say?"
Giselle: "I said, I don't believe vous."
Stop in le next week to see if I have les snap on teethes.
