BS Club Minutes February 27, 2013

Keep out if you do not like likeable women who do not understand that cocktails do not make them French

Date: Wednesday: February 27, 2013 Temps: 32 et snowflakes falling from le sky Meeting Place: Le Condo Attendez: Ma mere, Ma soeur, Mon Amie Giselle, Les Chats: Maxwell Smarte et Morrie Amsterdam, et moi Refreshmentes: Mon Dieu!  Ma Mere prepared mon favourite dip avec la fromage du creme, et les salamies, et les olives et les onions et les nuts et whatever else elle puts en it.  There was also une basket du les tres delicious crackers du les Noir Peppered Triscuits. Official BS Business: Giselle performed her professional inspectione du ma mere’s neuvaux carpet apres le subject arose as we were all seated en le living room poor le meeting . Elle gave le neuvaux carpet une 100% approval rating et elle said elle especially likes la extra cushion it provides por les feetes. We all breathed une sigh de relief as we may now ferme la chaptre du la neuvaux carpet et call it une 100% total success. BS Topics et conversations:  Ma soeur said, “Giselle, je t’aime votre shirt du fleece.  It looks like Christmas to match les snowflakes falling outside de le window.”  Giselle said, “Merci beaucoup, mais, mon ex-boss bitched at moi por wearing this shirt du fleece to le office.  Elle said it was une shirt du fleece por Le Jour Du Valentine, not por Christmas.”  Ma soeur said, “Por Le Jour Du Valentine?”  “Oui, mon ex-boss said, those are les hearts on votre shirt du fleece et les hearts are por Le Jour du Valentine.”  “Oh, those are les hearts?” ma soeur said, et elle squinted her eyes at Giselle’s shirt du fleeece. “Oui, these are les hearts,”said Giselle.  Ma mere cleared her throat et said, “Excuse moi, s’il vous plait.  Have any of vous read any de les books by?" (I believe it is en everyone's best interests if I do not name le author) This question was followed avec le silence. Then ma mere said, "Parfait that is her on la televisione et that is her book on mon tableau du café.”  We all looked at la televisione et then at la book on le tableau du café, et Giselle said, “It looks like elle had some major work done on her face, mais, elle forgot to continue la work onto her neck.”  We all looked at la televisione et at le mademoiselle's face et neck et I covered mon neck by buttoning mon collar.  Ma mere said, “Mais, have vous read any du her books?” “Mais, oui.” “Well," said, ma mere, "je was just saying that that is her on la televisione, la mademoiselle avec la jeune face et le old neck.” Giselle said, "Well vous would pense that if vous could afford to have votre face fixed, vous could afford to have votre neck fixed too."  Ma soeur then told le story about her jeune fils who slid in his automobile into une yard le previous soir.  She began,"Il had driven all de la way from le college du les technicalities et il was almost home, mais, il started to slip et to slide.  Then his automobile went straight over le snow bank et into les peoples yard et il could not remove it après rocking it back et forthe.  Then mon fils called le truck de la towing et when le truck de la towing showed up so did les polices et les polices gave mon fils une ticket por driving too vite por les conditiones et going over le snowbank et into le peoples yard et le truck de le towing gave mon fils une bill por le towing le automobile out de les snow en le people’s yard.  It added up to be une tres expensive soir por mon poor jeune fils." Giselle said to ma soeur, “Did votre jeune fils graduate from l’ecole du high?”  Ma souer said, “Mais, oui.”  “Oh,” said Giselle, “I did not remembre that il graduated from l'ecole du high, parfait je never received une invitation to la soiree du le graduation.”  I said, “I received une invitation. It was une tres fun soiree at la cottage.”  Ma mere said, “I did too, I received une invitation. Everybody in le world received une invitation et le weather was exquisite.”  Ma soeur said, “Ha ha ha.  Je sent une invitation to Gieselle et it got lost in le mail.”  Giselle said, "I was out of town anyway." Ma soeur said, “Et mon poor jeune fils.  Il got une different ticket le last month por parking on le wrong side de la avenue parfait it was une emergency du la snow.” I said, “Porquoi is it called une emergency du la snow?  Parking votre automobile on une particular side de le avenue is not une emergency. What is une blizzard then, une Armageddon du la snow?"  Ma soeur said, “Il was parked en une cul de sac et il did not know what side il was parked on parfait it was une circle.”  I said, “How do vous know which side to park on en le cul de sac?”  Ma soeur said, “Une cul de sac is always le right side de la avenue parfait votre vehicle is traveling en that directione et le curb can only be on le right side, et le plow must go en le circle avec la snow. Vous should never park en une cul de sac durning une emergency du la snow.”  Giselle said, "So, en Great Brittan is le parking en le cul de sac  always le left side de le road?" We all pictured les cul de sacs en Great Brittan en our tetes et we all agreed that oui, en Great Brittan it would be le left side parfait le vehicles would be traveling en that directionne.  Then Giselle reminisced de la famous story about her frère who had une James Bond trip to work une matin.  "It was snowy et slippery et he was on le divided highway, mais, all at once he was not on le divided highway et il was en le ditche en le middle between les quarte lanes du traffic, mais his automobile did not get stuck in la snow et he kept on driving et driving por une long way, like he had his own road down in la snowy ditche et all was going tres bon until he saw une culvert looming ahead, so immediatement, just like James Bond, il turned le wheel de la steering et pushed on le pedal du la gas et rammed his automobile back up le hill et joined into le lane du la traffic. Et then Il pretended that il meant to do la whole thing."  Then ma soeur said, "Mon middle fil is moving out into le world into une apartemente en le town avec la Museum du le Circus." Giselle said, “Oh, Je t’adore le circus.” Ma soeur said, “Je t’aime le train du le circus.” I said, “Je never saw le train de le circus .”  Ma mere said, “I hate le circus.” Then I said, "Ma soeur, is that another pair du votre neuvaux socks?" [one_half][/one_half] [one_half_last]Then ma soeur told du her bon amie avec le crazy frere-en-law who is always buying les guns et les groceries por le end du la world.  Elle said that there were ten cases du les canned porkes et chickens avec les lives de la shelves de ten years delievered to his maison.  Il was dividing le cannes avec his neighbors so they could all save monies on their stock piles por le impending doom.  "What if le world doesn't end por nine years?  They will have to eat all de les cannes at once et what if they forget to put une opener du les cannes en le bunker? They will all be shit out du les luckes." Then Giselle said, "We found forty boxes de les Flakes Du Corn Cereal en mon grandpere's pantry when he died." Then Ma mere said, "Mon pere used to purchase all du les products du paper[/one_half_last] that were on sale et il had une giant pile de stock du paper de la toiletteries, et we could never run out por as long as we live. Je suis still using les toiletteries."  I said, " I wish I had inherited une piece de that gene from granpere, parfait if I run out du les paper de la toiletteries it is always at le exact same time that I run out du les boxes du les Kleenexes et les rolles du les towels du paper, et Sven does not buy les products du les papers, ever." Then Giselle said, "Did vous know that Cary Grant's apelle was really Archie Leach?" Ma mere said, "Mais, oui." Ma mere: "Giselle did vous make it through le service du Ash Wednesday apres vous left le Club de BS en such une hurry last week?" Giselle: "Mais oui.  Mais, ooo-la-wee, I really had to pee, et le service was tres long.  First there was all de les talking et les singing et les praying et then la line por les communions et then la line por les ashes et then there was more de les talking et de les praying et de les singing.  Je pense they could have at least combined les ashes on les forhead avec le receivemente de les communions to speed things up.  Mon Dieu, that was une tres long time por mon bladder.” Moi: "Maybe vous could give le Bishop une call from votre phone du cell et tell him that le altar boy could step it up et put les ashes on les foreheads just as vous receive le communion." Ma Soeur: "Perhaps vous could put votre tres bon suggestionne en le basket du les collectionnes." Moi: "Perhaps le Vatican is preoccupied, looking through une petite glossary du les Cardinals who are not implicated en something, to be le next Pope et they do not have le time to pay attentionne to votre bladder et perhaps vous should refrain from drinking les bierres before church." Ma mere:  “Perhaps le next time we will just put les ashes on votre forhead et save vous le trip.”

And then it was time por le Shake du Jour

Bartender du jour:  Ma Soeur Numbre du jour:  4 Rules: Une dollar to play, five of a kind to win half de le pot, trois shakes et farming is allowed. 1^st Shaker: Ma Mere……………resulte…………trois fours.  Take une free sip de votre cocktail. 2^nd Shaker: Ma Soeur…………resulte…….deux fours.  C'est domage, no free sip por vous. 3rd Shaker: Moi………..resulte……..une stinking four.  No comment. 3rd Shaker: Giselle………..resulte……..deux fours.  C'est domage, por Giselle. And then ma mere said, "Let's counte les monies."

It took three of them to count all de les monies en la pot. Maxwelle Smarte became bored avec all de les counting et he went et got his cube from la basemente.

[one_half][/one_half] [one_half_last][/one_half_last] [one_half][/one_half]

[one_half_last]Be sure to stop in next week. Sooner or later someone is going home avec le giante pot du cash et vous will be tres disappointed to see it on le scroll at le bottom de la televisione or hear it on le radio en votre automobile or see it en votre bed while vous are reading la book by le author avec le jeune face et le old neck, et all of a sudden le story appears on les 10:00 news, et all along vous could have been right here, at le condo, where la lucky winner is sure to buy une round por all de les membres et les followeres du le Club de BS.[/one_half_last]